Comment on I am el french
teslekova@sh.itjust.works 3 days agoYou need to learn the power of not caring what people think of you, right to their face. It’s great. I treat everyone in a friendly way unless they get physical, then I treat them like a rambunctious toddler. In Australia, that works pretty well, ymmv.
The friendliness (and my white tall male privilege) means they almost never do get physical btw. Obviously if you’re tiny, it’s a different story, but I do know tiny women who follow the same strategy and get by pretty well.
It’s weird at first, staying friendly with someone who shouts at you, or calls you a dumb cunt, or insults your physical appearance, etc. But it gets more natural over time, and it seriously confuses some people in an entertaining way.
The overall advantage is that you don’t have to dress to expectations, or act according to most of the arbitrary rules of a particular situation unless you want to. You can just be your own person, treat people simply as people, and exist.
wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 2 days ago
I don’t know how it is in Australia, but around here where I am people will get really passive aggressive if you don’t care what they think of you. It’s as if they find it personally insulting that you don’t place so much importance on their opinion that you feel bad when they don’t like you.
So they stop insulting you to your face, yes. They just go behind your back and make shit up about you where you can’t even defend yourself, and then no one confronts you about it or asks if it’s true, you just see the light fade in people’s eyes as they recognize you as that person that they heard some shit about without ever confirming the validity of it.
And you can never find out exactly what the rumors say, or exactly who’s spreading them. You just find that one space after another is no longer a warm and friendly place, until all you have left is your own home with the blinds drawn shut.
And no, I’m a short guy so if I stand up for myself people call it a Napoleon complex, but if I just roll over and take it then I’m a push-over and for some reason that’s seen as blanket permission to double-down on me.
I thought that was a term of endearment in Australia?
teslekova@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Yeah, that sucks, that is toxic behaviour. I wouldn’t enjoy hanging around people like that either. If that’s all I had to choose from, I’d probably learn to enjoy solitude more.
teslekova@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
It’s all about the context. Dumb cunt is an insult, because of the dumb part. Can be meant with affection, if you say it right. But it may get you a punch, from someone other than me. 😄