i remember the great plastic transition of 1995. i asked my mom why there were so many plastic bottles and she replied ‘we’re like pioneers’ and she referenced little house on the prairie and i still didn’t understand so she slapped some sense into me right in the aisle of GRAND UNION supermarket right there and i pretended to understand just so she’d leave me alone.

a few weeks ago my MD said that i have colon cancer and i assume that’s from pounding cases of fruitopia when it was in vogue but who am i gonna sue? is big plastic a thing?

i tried to tell my mom it was her fault but when i tried to call all i heard was a dial tone. i thought that was a weird at the time because cell-phones don’t have dial tones but my therapist said i was hallucinating. she still won’t prescribe me xanax.