Oh yeah it definitely is, but we resonate really strongly so it’s fine. I’m OSDD-1b, they’re DID/C-PTSD, they’re in an active abuse scenario, I just so happen to be studying cognitive science, it’s unusual.
The dynamic is everything functioning extremely well, until they try to push me away (insisting I’ll abandon them eventually because I secretly hate them), and me insisting I’m not going anywhere. I’ve been blocked and unblocked so much. Once the isolating headmate stops fronting, the rest of the system comes back. There’s also the me restraining so, so hard to not go on a self-loathing spiral, but it happens sometimes. The “so you hate me” narrative definitely exists in me, but my unusually deep understanding of these disorders helps a lot. Can’t outpace my nervous system every time, though. Not for a lack of trying.
Rough shit. That’s life, though. We’re holding on.
I know. It’s a hard condition to tolerate, and even harder to understand. Sometimes, BPD feels like a brand that means you can only be around others with BPD…
…Seeing as the only friends who’ve stuck around with me all have BPD.
Gonzako@lemmy.world 2 months ago
You both have it? Seems like quite an explosive mix
HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
Oh yeah it definitely is, but we resonate really strongly so it’s fine. I’m OSDD-1b, they’re DID/C-PTSD, they’re in an active abuse scenario, I just so happen to be studying cognitive science, it’s unusual.
The dynamic is everything functioning extremely well, until they try to push me away (insisting I’ll abandon them eventually because I secretly hate them), and me insisting I’m not going anywhere. I’ve been blocked and unblocked so much. Once the isolating headmate stops fronting, the rest of the system comes back. There’s also the me restraining so, so hard to not go on a self-loathing spiral, but it happens sometimes. The “so you hate me” narrative definitely exists in me, but my unusually deep understanding of these disorders helps a lot. Can’t outpace my nervous system every time, though. Not for a lack of trying.
Rough shit. That’s life, though. We’re holding on.
Gonzako@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Man, this kinda talk brings up bad memories I had with a BDP ex partner. I can’t deal with the massively polarized thinking.
HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
I know. It’s a hard condition to tolerate, and even harder to understand. Sometimes, BPD feels like a brand that means you can only be around others with BPD…
…Seeing as the only friends who’ve stuck around with me all have BPD.
Hand in unlovable hand.