Okay … enjoy your painkillers, man.

Incoming vibe killer: no, farts do not count as negative mass. They do in fact have positive mass. You will weigh ever so slightly less after farting. And, in theory, if you were in a frictionless environment, you could propel yourself by farting, because the fart’s mass would act as a reaction mass and propel you like a (very weak and stinky) rocket.