Because the LGBT+ community (by it’s relationship with the BDSM community) acknowledges even when they want this, it’s ultimately bad for everyone on a whole. Any lesbian I know wouldn’t want to normalize that situation. It’s the worst of what the patriarchy tries to get out of women.
Consider her in a sex slave situation that starts consentually. He can affect the power structure such that she doesn’t get to change her mind later (when she stops finding him attractive). Even if he was someone who actually ultimately cared about her, if she realizes/assumes she can’t say no, has been conditioned to not say no, believes saying no jeopardizes her status & well-being, or has otherwise developed learned helplessness, then he doesn’t even get to know when she no longer consents. There is no consent.
Then consider the power corrupts (unpredictably) and he winds up a real piece of shit and she winds up pregnant. Now she does have family and somebody to care about, but she set up the system to give her no control over what happens to her daughter she loves and wants better for. This event isn’t even uncommon. That’s why the BDSM community has all the ethical guidelines they do. Stay safe, sane, and consensual.
Yeah, a situation like this can easily wind up where even if you’re asking for consent on every little thing, and making them know they can say no, there’s no real way to KNOW certainly whether or not they’re actually consenting eagerly, or just think that saying no isn’t allowed or whatever. They might even justify it in their heads that “I signed this contract” or “I’ve got nowhere to go” or whatever.
Kwiila@slrpnk.net 4 weeks ago
Because the LGBT+ community (by it’s relationship with the BDSM community) acknowledges even when they want this, it’s ultimately bad for everyone on a whole. Any lesbian I know wouldn’t want to normalize that situation. It’s the worst of what the patriarchy tries to get out of women.
Consider her in a sex slave situation that starts consentually. He can affect the power structure such that she doesn’t get to change her mind later (when she stops finding him attractive). Even if he was someone who actually ultimately cared about her, if she realizes/assumes she can’t say no, has been conditioned to not say no, believes saying no jeopardizes her status & well-being, or has otherwise developed learned helplessness, then he doesn’t even get to know when she no longer consents. There is no consent.
Then consider the power corrupts (unpredictably) and he winds up a real piece of shit and she winds up pregnant. Now she does have family and somebody to care about, but she set up the system to give her no control over what happens to her daughter she loves and wants better for. This event isn’t even uncommon. That’s why the BDSM community has all the ethical guidelines they do. Stay safe, sane, and consensual.
felixwhynot@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Fair points generally but I’m pretty sure this is a screenshot from Grindr
Kwiila@slrpnk.net 4 weeks ago
That is fully on me for assuming gender. There’s always a Ned Flanders.
velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 weeks ago
Men aren’t immune from being in abusive relationships.
Mirshe@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Yeah, a situation like this can easily wind up where even if you’re asking for consent on every little thing, and making them know they can say no, there’s no real way to KNOW certainly whether or not they’re actually consenting eagerly, or just think that saying no isn’t allowed or whatever. They might even justify it in their heads that “I signed this contract” or “I’ve got nowhere to go” or whatever.