Ship the size of a continent slips out of the skein alongside a Federation starship and immediately runs a scan that siphons up all the art and science records onboard.

“Science officer, wtf?”

“Hey there! We are The Culture! We’ve been partying for the last few hundred cycles, and this month has been particularly wild. Everybody thinks y’all seem cool. Wanna get fucked up, go lava surfing, and chat about life? Just park that thing anywhere.”

I’d love to watch that one.