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My partner tends to do the same and I am not sure how to start this discussion. We recently had a fight about our respective ways of interacting during arguments just before they get heated and talked about it afterwards, coming to a (what I thought) somewhat satisfying conclusion on the areas we could each work on. Fast-forward about a week and by now I have overheard her tell this ‘story’ of our fight to about 5 different friends and family members on the phone, over the various days.

Like I said, I’m just not sure how to handle it - I don’t want to cut off her communication with friends. I realize sometimes you need to bounce off an idea you’re mulling over with a close friend. But I also feel there are certain private affairs I just don’t wanted chatted about to all our extended friend circle, and this is a pattern that’s repeated itself often enough now for me to recognize.

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BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Maybe tell her ? If you don’t communicate they won’t be able to just guess

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- hoppolito@mander.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  I mean yes, definitely, it’s a topic I want to broach. But since I’m not even sure myself yet on my exact feelings or wishes I find it harder to open a gentle, full discussion - especially when it may be around adjusting some fundamental relationship assumptions like here.
  
  But I definitely didn’t want to make it sound like a one-sided fault, as these things rarely are.
  
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  - BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    You have a nice attitude towards our and that’s great ! Hope you’ll soon find a way to communicate this to them in a gentle way
    
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valentinesmith@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Realistically I wanna say that your last paragraph sounds perfectly worded to broach the topic with her.

It tells her that you do not fundamentally want to isolate her, that she should be able to talk about stuff with friends but that you want some things to be private or at least have a say on how or if something gets discussed with friends.

Maybe try to frame what the deciding factor is to make something private for you as well?

I do not feel comfortable if you air out our discussions on weaknesses when those are moments where I feel we can be vulnerable and frank with each other. I just do not want to feel like I share those critical moments with all our friends and family but I want to at least have time to digest it myself. If we improve and/or it feels like we have progressed from the topic I think it is fair game but otherwise it really puts pressure on me.

Maybe something like this, if it fits what you are feeling?

But I think discussing it is the right way forward and I know how hard it can be to talk with a partner about stuff like this.

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