Mom knew a little and taught me even less. Bare with me here as I’m positively going to butcher this as I’m spelling phonetically using my admittedly poor english skills to write using my non existent german skill. Plus I’ve had a few beers at lunch.

Ich haba eina ploten speiler.

This reminds me of a french girl I met while traveling. I asked her how to say praying mantis in french. She said something like monte religious. So I said monte religious. She gasped and said “YOU BUTCHER”! " Don’t speak my language”.

I instantly fell in love.