Sex is more than fucking. The fucking is great but even medium term, there absolutely needs to be more. As others have mentioned it’s about a connection, intimacy, and feeling sexually desired.

The scheduled part is only something that would bother someone without kids. With kids, you either schedule sex or only have it very rarely.

Scheduled isn’t a dirty word, it just means you’re making time for someone you care about. I’ve found it’s nice to have a time to look forward to.

I have only surface level knowledge of ace folks, so pardon the question: is scheduled intimacy something you could look forward to and enjoy? With optional sex… knowing that the sex isn’t something you need.

If being intimate without sex isn’t enjoyable to you, it you don’t think you could make someone feel desired (at any level, since it’s obviously not going to be sexual desire!,) then I would suggest looking for other ace or ace-leaning folks.