Comment on What happens to cult leaders in prison?

• IronBird@lemmy.world ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  people that just habitually manipulate and try to take advantage of others, i guess. moreso than general liers

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  • Varyk@sh.itjust.works ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Yes, questions you know the answer to is a good option, but the way the person answers you can confuse the truth anyway through indirect methods.

    Are they making you think your own experiences and memories are invalid, so their story becomes more plausible?

    Do they suggest their poor behavior is actually your fault?

    Any time you bring up an issue to someone and rather than directly addressing the issue, the person brushes aside the issue to focus on a new topic, especially one that implicates or blames you, that’s a huge red flag signaling manipulation and you should be on guard.

    If they keep doing it and you find yourself stuck or trapped in the conversation, admitting guilt you aren’t sure you own or even agreeing with something you know is incorrect, the sooner you leave, physically just walk away from them, and keep walking away, the better.

    If you’re getting turned around in a conversation, the longer you let them tell you stories, the more convincing those stories will become and can harm your wellbeing.

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    • IronBird@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      damn, I…found myself doing this to someone recently, i thought i was being honest but just thinking back on it i wasnt, not entirely. they probably thought I was a crazy person obsessed with them, so they cut contact with me entirely like any sane woman would do.

      the idea this person could now be going around in life looking over their shoulder, worried i’m stalking them is tearing at me

      i want to apologize to this woman so she can be at ease but the only ways i can think of do so would only confirm i’m crazy/stalking them…

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      • Varyk@sh.itjust.works ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Dang, it’s pretty common behavior, unfortunately. I’ve been guilty of it.

        At least you’ve recognized your manipulation; that means you can change.

        It doesn’t sound like you should interact with this woman you’re referring to any more, because an apology won’t help her with what’s already happened and being around you at all could upset her more.

        But the world is big and keeps going on. You could try to make amends by being supportive and helpful to other people, even those you don’t know yet, counter your negative experiences with positive ones.

        Maybe one day after you’re more in control of those manipulative tendencies, the opportunity will come up for you to apologize.

        If it doesn’t, it doesn’t, but you can become a positive experience in people’s lives going forward, regardless.

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