Comment on How to separate self-worth from Achievements and External Validation?

• foggy@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

  I don’t mean this condescendingly. Have you ever worked hard for something and accomplished what you worked hard towards?

  If so, what felt better, “winning” or the process of elevating yourself?

  For example when I was 15 my team won a baseball championship. Tbh the final games were well fought. We swept the post season. I reflect very positively on that post season. I don’t reflect much on the season itself. But more than the win, I reflect on being on a losing team for all of little league. I went from worst in the league to best in the league. Nothing to show for it. On to the bigger league. Back to being worst in the league. Slowly my team grew, year 3 we dominated. I reflect on 5 years of failure, hours spent in batting cages, being the best and still failing, not that final season, sure that final post season a bit, but not that final strikeout that clinched the league.

  In fact, if it weren’t for all that failure, I’d barely reflect on it. I’m sure we had teammates who were in their first year of the big leagues, barely recall anything of that experience. It meant more because I had been tempered in failure.

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  • pugnaciousfarter@literature.cafe ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

    I guess, I can see what you are trying to say. I don’t disagree with what you are saying. But It doesn’t work for me specifically.

    All my “achievements”(any that I value) have only been through blood and sweat, and that is partly one of the reasons I dread beginning something new - It will be that difficult all over again.

    What I assume to be equal amounts of effort as anyone else, never usually results in the same outcomes. I spent a year to learn a language, and I am still A1. Now, A1 isn’t bad, but I really wanted to have learnt at least B1 by now. I know others who have done that.

    I find it hard to find motivation day in and day out to do things everyday. I want to paste the Vaas meme here. I am enjoying the little things, but there is such existential anxiety that makes it difficult to enjoy even those.

    So I can’t just like the process as it is either.

    I am not sure, but I guess I have to change what my “process” is.

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    • foggy@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

      Ok perfect we have a concrete example.ear I g language. Your peers learning faster, it’s a bummer.

      Some immediate thoughts: how are they learning? How do you learn? If you’re doing what they’re doing and not getting the same results, Is there something that can help you get where they’re getting that meets you with your strengths rather than whatever might be holding you back? You’re on an international message board. I’m not bilingual so no chance I can help you but there is almost definitely someone reading this post that fluently speaks the language you’re struggling with and also speaks English.

      What has worked for you kearning-wise? And if you don’t know, what are you knowledgeable about? What made you knowledgeable?

      I am needing to pass a very hard exam that I’ve missed twice on already. My normal study methods ain’t working. I gotta adapt and go in discord and chat with folks. Not excited, but it’s what’s gonna fill the gaps.

      You got this. Oh, shit, you know what. I’m not a John Mayer fan really but his teacher from berkley? Tomo fujita? Here. Here’s his mantra. He posts a similar video every fucking day. Literally.

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      • pugnaciousfarter@literature.cafe ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        I appreciate you trying to help me. Thanks.

        I do understand this basic crux of tackling any problem. Unfortunately, it is just difficult to execute and implement these things in real life without burning out.

        I have mood disregulation and dopamine issues which make it a lot more difficult to follow through. While I do that I wanted to also feel good about myself without letting it tie to how others perceive me. ( In terms of success ).

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