how many of her threats has she actually acted on in the past?
Never actually done anything. Still terrifying to hear from a parent. I still remember that time when I was no even 8 year old yet, when my brother practically chased me out of the house. It was the most alone I’ve ever felt in my entire life, nobody to help me. My (former) country was dysfunctional at the time and I don’t think a “CPS” even existed. Those memories have been stuck on my mind recently. Being alone for those few hours were the scariest moments of my life, I haven’t even existed for that long yet, and my world was already in chaos. Even just those words, even empty threats are fucking terrifying. I try to sleep, I’m halfway asleep, for about like idk 10 minutes, then the dread comes in, sleep paralysis, with the fears of that day + all the shitty events that happened in my life all just coming back as if a huge bear just pounced on me. I couldn’t move (again, sleep paralysis), my heartrate goes through the roof, once I fully wake up from the sleep paralysis, I feel as if I just ran away from a fucking bear attack or something.
The first time I was restrained wasn’t actually the time when I got falsely accused of instigating a fight at school, it was way earlier. My older brother had a fight with me when I was probably somewhere around 5-8 and he fucking used those plastic zipties and ties me up. It was a long time ago, but those memories never went away, the memories are here with me after all these years, a whole decade and a half later. Law enforcement is so fucking terrifying. I hate being trapped in a place and unable to move.
Every time I watch people having a normal relationship with family, I just cry in happiness for the family, even if its in fictional media, and I just delve more into my memories and try to imagine an alternate timeline. Tears are always in my eyes, but sometimes the emotion part of my brain is so drained its hard to even properly cry.
I wonder if thing like lead or other food poisonings have turned my family into the way they are. Food regulations were very lax where I was from. Even baby formulas have fakes, nobody trusted baby formulas, they even had to smuggle in foreign baby formula. It wouldn’t be surprising if its just chemicals fucking up society so much.