Comment on Has this ever happened to you?

• theneverfox@pawb.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  Sure, the danger is real and that people need to protect themselves

  It’s also incredibly offensive to do it directly.

  The polite thing to do is make being safe a matter of course. It’s very normal to meet in public, it’s normal to do checkup texts, it’s fine to do a group activity if it’s a group activity. We’ve spent decades normalizing subtle ways to do this

  There’s a degree of social hygiene necessary, or society falls apart.

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  • Alaknar@sopuli.xyz ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    It’s also incredibly offensive to do it directly.

    Only if you’re incredibly insecure about yourself.

    The polite thing to do (…)

    Overall - I agree, to certain degree. In my opinion, however, society is already “falling apart” due to how social media trains younger people for immediate gratification, everything is fast. Dating is also fast, and people don’t want to “waste time” on “incompatible people”.

    Dating these days is “let’s have a date and see what happens”, not “let’s get to know each other and see if we want to date”.

    Also, lots of people are pretty lonely, so “group activity” is not possible for them.

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    • theneverfox@pawb.social ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Only if you’re incredibly insecure about yourself.

      Bullshit. This is hardwired into our brains. False accusations hurt, but only when you can’t imagine yourself doing what you’re accused of.

      If someone doesn’t bristle at being treated like a wild animal, that’s a huge red flag. They’re not confident, either they’re manipulative or they could see themselves warranting the protection. They’re probably not an immediate threat, but that is what a future abuser looks like

      And what good is having a friend next to you as opposed to nearby? That’s not safer… What, do you think they’re going to grab someone out of the coffee shop and run?

      There’s lots of normal reasons to have someone you know nearby. You can get dropped off and picked up, have a friend in the area doing things. If you have bad vibes, stay in the damn coffee shop and have your friend come in and get a drink.

      You can go somewhere you know a worker. You can get to know a place and spend time with the staff so you have a safe ground.

      I’ve had someone introduce me to their co-workers before walking to a cafe a few doors down, that was a positive experience, because it was very friendly and I could feel I just passed a bunch of vibe checks… I didn’t even consider that there was a handful of people who saw my face and had eyes on the car I drove up in nearby until much later

      That’s about as safe as you could ever be, and it wasn’t offensive at all, because it was natural and affirmative. It feels good when people notice I’m a good person, and I think having a community is cool.

      At the end of the day, no one is ever truly safe, but having community around is how you make yourself safer.

      And I really do mean the manipulator thing, if someone doesn’t react at all to an implication like that, that’s a red flag… Honest people get angry at accusations, guilty ones get calm, manipulators use that information

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