Comment on Anon plays GTA V
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 hours agoMore or less, do you live your life as you, directly, or do you…
…more like, live your life in 3rd person, in your own head, as a kind of narrator or detwched observer/commentator of what ‘you’ are actually doing?
This is very rough and far from exact, but maybe that is a way of phrasing it that makes sense?
daggermoon@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
I imagine myself as someone else. Or sometimes a better version of myself. I imagine i’m not alone as I have only ever really been alone. I’m very aware it’s not real. It never felt real enough anyway. I’m guessing that’s not the same thing? It’s not all the time, but fairly often.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 hours ago
Yeah that… does sound sort of in the same ballpark.
I would say that is… potentially concerning, but I am not qualified to make a diagnosis.
You being aware that you are doing the sort of … 3rd personing of yourself… that does not mean you are not depersonalizing, not derealizing.
A big difference between depersonalizing yourself and… other types of mental disorders, is that in most other vaguely similar mental disorders, the person does not realize they are doing it.
So the fact that you are aware, I would think that would actually narrow it down more precisely to being depersonalization.
The main thing is a sense of identity so weak that you basically just invent another one on top of it, if that makes sense, that just sort of observes the first identity.
On a less clinical note, I am genuienly sorry to hear that and would offer you a hug =(
I have been quite depressed before, and … yeah, hug.
It sounds like you’ve been through a lot of trauma.
For what its worth, you are still here, and some layer or level of you is still typing out your messages, so… you are still here.
daggermoon@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
I’m not really sure what to say. I’ll say I know who I am, I know what I want, and I have no issue with being able to tell fantasy and reality apart. It was always an escape for me. As for trauma, I think I always dismissed it because I knew people who had it way, way worse and I didn’t think it was even a fair comparison. I am very depressed and the situation in my country has only made that worse. For me, the loneliness is probably the worst part. I don’t have any friends and I don’t really connect with my family. I am however here as you said, and I am aware of who I am. I don’t say any of this because I want anyone to feel sorry for me, It just helps me understand myself and the world better. Thank you.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 hours ago
You don’t need to say anything, friend, just try and take care of yourself.
You sound … you remind me of me some years ago.
CPTSD, would be my guess, though I am obviously potentially projecting here… my guess is you’ve been surrounded by malignant narcissists, they’ve destroyed your conception of self worth and identity, nothing is ever good enough for them, and they never do any good for you that doesn’t come with many strings attached.
Either way, be my guess accurate or not: Your trauma is valid, you are valid, you may not believe it, but you are worthy of being loved, treated with basic decency.
Not that those things are guaranteed to you… but you are worth them, and people who do not give them to you are not worth your time or attention.
I would suggest you attempt to hold yourself to a basic light excercise routine as well as some kind of creative outlet hobby… draw, sing, make videos, write stories or analyses or code, grow a garden, learn to tailor or embroider or knit…
Hell, literally this morning I saw a 62 yo man sitting alone with a yo yo.
Turns out he’s quite good with that yo yo, and we got to talkin’, I remembered them from an old school assembly that started a yo yo craze.
Turns out he’s a cancer survivor, went through an absolute shit couple of years, chemo and saline all the time, no friends or family to really help out…
Doctors told him he had a year to live…
… 4 years ago.
Seems to be in full remission now, his blood work is incredible, doctors couldn’t believe it, and this guy, he’s a pretty chipper old fella if you just let him go on about his old jobs, his hobbies, his woes and his perspective.
Like him, and his yo yo, you can bounce back too.