Can’t say that sex and love ie romantic love must go together but I’m a dude and I personally don’t enjoy the idea of commodified, quantity over quality sex that’s often peddled by American/Western culture.

To me (and to each their own) sex is pointless without a deeper connection.

Many women go from unable to climax during sex to easily doing so when a deeper connection and understanding is sought by their partner.

That isn’t to say that “meaningless” sex is bad. If both parties are down for it by all means have fun.

But I feel that sex is meant to be a spiritual experience. If I desire someone and they also yearn to share a deeper physical connection with me, they should feel my desire within their very essence of self, through my words and my eyes, before we even touch. Even when we do touch, intercourse would have to wait patiently in favor of foreplay so that my desire, my meaning, could first be communicated with my mind, body and everything else.

I was raised in a Western Christian nation where I felt two dichotomous attitudes towards sex. One was religious shame and guilt towards any type of sexual pleasure. The other was sexual liberation, which was an improvement, but it commodifies sex and treats it as if its purpose can only be seen through a lens of hedonism.

Ultimately it took reading on Indigineous thought on spirituality and intimacy, writings by Sufi poet Rumi on love and ancient Dharmic (South Asian) thoughts on physical intimacy (which centers heterosexual sex on women’s pleasure, autonomy, and rights in sexual relationships) for me to understand what sex was for me.