This is my mindset too. It isn’t about me.
Comment on My son got Nikes so he doesn't get teased.
skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 2 days agoKids do.
Their problems are smaller than us adults’, but they feel those problems with the same intensity we do. Being ostracized from your social group is a big problem even for adults. It’s worse for kids.
And kids, being kids, will bandwagon the hell out of anything. If somebody clowns on your shoes every day, give it a week and half the school will be doing it. Give it a year and you’re “that guy with the shoes”.
Is your brand of shoes important in the long term? No, not at all. Your social status in high school also, largely, doesn’t matter in the long term. But “the long term” is difficult to keep your eye on when you’re looking at 4-8 years of pointless bullying in your future.
All this to say - yeah I think this is pretty dumb, but it’s important to the people who are living it. And something that’s important to a child should also be important to their parents, in my opinion. I was the kid with the ratty shoes and the hand-me-downs. That stuff can really do some permanent damage to a kid’s psyche.
Does this mean that every middle schooler needs to have a fresh set of Jordan’s and a fitted suit every year? No, of course not. But if I can spend an extra $50 once every two years to make my son happy then why wouldn’t I?
Truffle@lemmy.ml 2 days ago
Bazoogle@lemmy.world 2 days ago
As I already said in my other response, it’s really about the developing child. Jonathan Haidt’s books “The Coddling of the American Mind” and “The Anxious Generation” both talk about the idea of over protectionism. You cannot deny that buy expensive shoes they will inevitably grow out of to avoid some light teasing from the school boys is over protecting them. They should be tough enough to handle comments about the fact they don’t have expensive shoes. If they aren’t, that’s a great parenting moment to help them work through those feelings and how to better handle the social situations.
Truffle@lemmy.ml 2 days ago
I agree. Maybe I wasn’t getting my point across as good as I thought I was. Language barrier and what not.
What I mean, is that I absolutely think kids should learn how budgets work and how not getting your way does too, what I am saying is that some shoes is not the hill I am willing to die on. Nor is what some petty kid is trying to bully someone about. Want the sneakers? Good, go get them. I don’t care and it makes kid happy.
I think it comes down to what is important to someone. I don’t care about making my kid’s path more difficult on purpose to exert some kind of power, what is the point? To teach what lesson exactly? Yes on principle we shouldn’t act out of peer pressure and try and be the bigger person all the time. I get that, but we have to live in reality and that is a fact of life. Who acts flawless all the time? Who is a perfect parent/person? Who makes stupid decisions that are not life threatening? We all do so maybe buy the shoes if it is witjin your possibilities and discuss how to make different/ better decisions in the future. There. No one had to suffer because of it. Move on.
And to toughen kid up I think horses do that just fine lol. There is nothing like watching them take care of a 1000 pound animal that is so delicate and so dangerous at the same time and fall off the saddle to get back on right away because they love it so much. Having an animal like that will teach you about boundaries, respect, hard work and humble behavior like no other thing.
Bazoogle@lemmy.world 2 days ago
The goal of childhood is to prepare you for adulthood. It is better to be teased as a developing child, especially for something trivial, and be a well rounded adult. Children have to figure out how to navigate difficult social situations themselves, rather than simply avoiding them. It is becoming increasingly problematic when kids aren’t working things out amongst themselves, or at the very least putting up with it, and instead resort to having an adult fix it for them. If they learn they can always go to an adult to fix their problems, they are being prepared for an authoritarian government. The solution to their problems is a higher power that will fix things for them. This is not quite the same, but it is avoiding difficult confrontation over something as trivial as shoes.
I do think kids should also have the freedom to choose their own shoes. If you give them a budget, and they can find Nike shoes in that budget, good on them. Maybe they even keep an eye on them going on sale. But if they cannot find shoes within the budget, they will have to settle for what they like within their price range. Which is also a valuable lesson for a developing teen.
We cannot protect kids from big feelings. It is vital they experience big feelings. It’s becoming increasingly problematic with over protectionism and treating children as fragile beings. It’s caused higher levels of anxiety and reduced social skills. While you may say them not having name brand shoes will lead to anxiety, if they are always given a way out of their easy to handle middle school problems, how are they going to be prepared for adulthood problems, or the countless other things out of their control. They need to experience the anxiety and learn how to handle it in healthy ways.
I get where you’re coming from, but that cannot be universally true (and I think you would agree). A child wanting every toy they ever see, no matter how important to them, obviously is not going to be important to you as a parent. If a teen thinks it’s important everyone they meet loves them, you cannot encourage extreme people pleasing. No kid “needs” name brand shoes. That is very distinctly a want. Perhaps they do some extra chores to earn their more expensive shoes, so you are all happy. But simply giving them expensive shoes they will inevitably grow out of because of a few comments from some school bullies is not a big problem. It is a little problem. Kids can handle little problems without adult intervention.