Comment on My son got Nikes so he doesn't get teased.
Truffle@lemmy.ml 3 days ago
Good for you. Whenever I get this kind of situation with ny kid I think “Will this matter in five years? Will this purchase break the bank?” If not, I buy/allow/rent whatever and move on. It usually does the trick and I don’t mind if in my mind it sounds ridiculous or exaggerated, It is not about me but whatever they are going through and as long as they get the tools they need, so be it. Kid is very down to earth and doesn’t usually overconsume. The only place where we overspend is the bookstore.
Bazoogle@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Kid could toughen up a bit. Having your shoes made fun of is such a small insignificant thing. It’s probably one of the best options out there, given it’s not actually even about you. I can guarantee if the kid did not react to the teasing, they would find someone else to pick on. Who seriously cares about shoes?
skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Kids do.
Their problems are smaller than us adults’, but they feel those problems with the same intensity we do. Being ostracized from your social group is a big problem even for adults. It’s worse for kids.
And kids, being kids, will bandwagon the hell out of anything. If somebody clowns on your shoes every day, give it a week and half the school will be doing it. Give it a year and you’re “that guy with the shoes”.
Is your brand of shoes important in the long term? No, not at all. Your social status in high school also, largely, doesn’t matter in the long term. But “the long term” is difficult to keep your eye on when you’re looking at 4-8 years of pointless bullying in your future.
All this to say - yeah I think this is pretty dumb, but it’s important to the people who are living it. And something that’s important to a child should also be important to their parents, in my opinion. I was the kid with the ratty shoes and the hand-me-downs. That stuff can really do some permanent damage to a kid’s psyche.
Does this mean that every middle schooler needs to have a fresh set of Jordan’s and a fitted suit every year? No, of course not. But if I can spend an extra $50 once every two years to make my son happy then why wouldn’t I?
Bazoogle@lemmy.world 2 days ago
The goal of childhood is to prepare you for adulthood. It is better to be teased as a developing child, especially for something trivial, and be a well rounded adult. Children have to figure out how to navigate difficult social situations themselves, rather than simply avoiding them. It is becoming increasingly problematic when kids aren’t working things out amongst themselves, or at the very least putting up with it, and instead resort to having an adult fix it for them. If they learn they can always go to an adult to fix their problems, they are being prepared for an authoritarian government. The solution to their problems is a higher power that will fix things for them. This is not quite the same, but it is avoiding difficult confrontation over something as trivial as shoes.
I do think kids should also have the freedom to choose their own shoes. If you give them a budget, and they can find Nike shoes in that budget, good on them. Maybe they even keep an eye on them going on sale. But if they cannot find shoes within the budget, they will have to settle for what they like within their price range. Which is also a valuable lesson for a developing teen.
We cannot protect kids from big feelings. It is vital they experience big feelings. It’s becoming increasingly problematic with over protectionism and treating children as fragile beings. It’s caused higher levels of anxiety and reduced social skills. While you may say them not having name brand shoes will lead to anxiety, if they are always given a way out of their easy to handle middle school problems, how are they going to be prepared for adulthood problems, or the countless other things out of their control. They need to experience the anxiety and learn how to handle it in healthy ways.
I get where you’re coming from, but that cannot be universally true (and I think you would agree). A child wanting every toy they ever see, no matter how important to them, obviously is not going to be important to you as a parent. If a teen thinks it’s important everyone they meet loves them, you cannot encourage extreme people pleasing. No kid “needs” name brand shoes. That is very distinctly a want. Perhaps they do some extra chores to earn their more expensive shoes, so you are all happy. But simply giving them expensive shoes they will inevitably grow out of because of a few comments from some school bullies is not a big problem. It is a little problem. Kids can handle little problems without adult intervention.
Truffle@lemmy.ml 2 days ago
This is my mindset too. It isn’t about me.
Bazoogle@lemmy.world 2 days ago
As I already said in my other response, it’s really about the developing child. Jonathan Haidt’s books “The Coddling of the American Mind” and “The Anxious Generation” both talk about the idea of over protectionism. You cannot deny that buy expensive shoes they will inevitably grow out of to avoid some light teasing from the school boys is over protecting them. They should be tough enough to handle comments about the fact they don’t have expensive shoes. If they aren’t, that’s a great parenting moment to help them work through those feelings and how to better handle the social situations.