You’ve had some good advice on here I think, so I’ll not add much other than to say I’m really sorry you’re hurting, and I hope some time and distance away from her (not in a hostile way, just for your own wellbeing) helps you feel better.

Also, the therapy thing - when possible, yeah, talking shit out can really help. If money is an issue, there may still be some free local group counselling sessions you can find. I’ve done that, and I found that in addition to expressing my feeling, the process of listening to and comforting others actually made me feel better too.

away from the eyes away from the heart (dont know if its used in english)

Re that phrase, in English a common way of expressing much the same idea would be “Out of sight, out of mind”

Good luck dude, it gets easier [hug] 👍