I am sorry to say that this part of your relationship with alcohol is a massive warning sign:

I then promise myself to drink it within several days, not all within 3 days, but something snaps in me each time I open the fridge and see all that beer. I sometimes drink 2 pints a day till I have no more beer.

This indicates that you do not have a healthy psychological relationship with a substance.

By promising yourself one thing and doing another, you have lied to yourself. Self-deception is extremely self-destructive. It is effectively the first and last lesson every alcoholic learns - substance abuse is never about willpower, it’s about honesty. No amount of willpower can save you when you lie to yourself and say “it will be okay.”

The influence of the substance in question reinforces that self-deception at every turn. Based on your description, when you are drinking, it feels okay to keep drinking. Even with a headache, or fatigue, you will have another drink. You will drink the next day. You will drink until you run out of drinks to drink.

When you are not drinking, it doesn’t feel okay. You know it’s stupid, you know it hurts you, you know you don’t really want it, and yet you think that there is no real internal force stopping you from drinking - there is only the externalized influence of the price.

By creating an external justification for your drinking, you have abandoned your own autonomy and authority. It is cheap, you drink. It is not cheap, you do not drink. It is in your fridge, you drink. It is not in your fridge, you do not drink. You do not choose, you just drink. With that behavioral pattern, it is only ever a matter of time until your next binge.

Generally speaking, the most reliable way out of this thought process is to seek help. Be honest with yourself and others (where it is safe and sensible to do so!), and seek support. You have done so here - you have opened up about your fears. That is strength, not weakness.

Groups like AA do not check your alcoholic level at the door. You do not need to drink a liter of vodka a day to be an alcoholic. If you are presently sober and say you are worried about your relationship with alcohol, they will welcome you. They will share their stories, and they will share what works for them and what doesn’t. Many groups are also welcome to families and friends, so you do not need to present yourself as an alcoholic if you do not wish to do so.

If you walk away from those meetings, drink more, and come back (again, while sober), they will welcome you again. They will welcome you as many times as is needed, and they will welcome you whether you are 24 hours sober or 24 years sober.

But it all starts and ends with honesty. You are worried about your behavior. Do not let yourself brush that aside. Do not believe yourself when you think “it’s not that bad.” Do not believe yourself when you think “these people are ‘real’ alcoholics, I don’t belong here, I don’t need help.”

Every last recovering alcoholic you ever meet would have rather they stopped earlier then they did. They would rather they stopped when it wasn’t a big deal. They would rather they hadn’t thrown so much of their time, money, and health into that bottomless pit.

There is no rock bottom, there is no moment where you can no longer dig the hole deeper. There is only the moment you start climbing out of it.

I cannot tell you that you are an alcoholic. I can only tell you that you feel anxious and worried about being an alcoholic, and that you should face those feelings with as much strength and honesty as you can muster. Best of luck. I am happy to listen, if you want to talk more.