Hear hear.
One love.
Comment on What kind of upbringing makes an incel?
RecursiveParadox@lemmy.world 8 months agoHave an upvote, but I don’t really agree with you. Here in the Netherlands about the time my two boys entered elementary school the government took a look at the stats and realized that boys over the last decade had poorer outcomes post secondary education than girls. So, they (to decidedly mixed success) added some more and more frequent physical activity including something that translates to rock and water, which is kinda hard to explain, but is a way to use physical exercise to teach boundaries. You can see similar stats regarding differences in outcomes for men and women in university graduation rates in America and the UK.
The point I’m trying to make is that something in our systems changed, and to some it appears to be a kind of zero sum game (which I do not believe it is or has to be). I mean sure there is a chance that producing better outcomes for girls, which is great, has had some negative effect on boys; the problem is we cannot tell if the two are related, outside of some inherent gross physical differences in size, strength etc. Thus, the incels immediately jumped to the conclusion that its “teh Femmminizzzz.”
And I do agree with the OP of this sub-thread that it is a very difficult process to realize your privilege, to see beyond it and then through someone else’s eyes. Unless you are lucky and either hit just the right place to start researching or have friends who can help, if you didn’t internalize your privilege at an early age, it’s a long ass road. Took me a good decade, and most weeks I come across something I still hadn’t learned.
I’ve brought both my boys up to understand exactly how privileged they are to have been born white, with a dick, straight, and in a wealthy W European country. I see many fathers and mothers here in NL have done the same. The kids these days really are all right. So I have real hope the Zoomers by and large and the incel subculture notwithstanding will simply never internalize the hateful points of view we Xers had to brute force our way out of.
Hackerman_uwu@lemmy.world 8 months ago
bouh@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Recent studies shows that it’s concerning actually. The conservative culture makes a come back, more zealous than ever.
IMO this is because there is no alternative. Men are only told what they can’t be, yet everything works for the way they used to be, which they can’t anymore. This is a cultural problem to solve. Men and women need to build a new ideal man. Or like for women they need to accept more diversity for men, but that will not replace the lack of a proper model. In brief, we need a new kind of James bond that’s not an asshole.
Hackerman_uwu@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Yes!! Hear hear! That’s what I’m trying to say. Inclusivity is inclusive, you share the problems too.
I love this:
Just beautifully put.
Hey if you have the time to spare, could you perhaps throw up some criticism of my OP? What am I saying wrong that people are misunderstanding me here?
I’d love to be able to express these ideas in a way that does not make people angry. I think they are important ideas to share.
bouh@lemmy.world 8 months ago
It is a difficult task, especially because some feminists absolutely do not want to hear anything about men if it’s not that they are rapists or privileged. They also theorised that men (no nuance made) will fight tooth and nails to keep their privileges.
It’s not all feminists obviously. But the idea lurks that it is a similar fight between proletariat vs capitalists.
Lgbt+ movement succeeded in aggregating and allying with the feminists. It was easy because they are indeed harassed by the patriarcal model even harder than women.
The problem is for white cis male to join the movement. It would almost be a betrayal to recognize anything to them, because they are the archtypical enemy.
The problem is that by painting all white cis males as the enemy, you don’t leave them a choice than to be your enemy.
I’m only a guy on Internet so I don’t know what the solution go this will be. What I imagine is that either some white cis males will finally be recognized as a different group than the fascist actually opposed to women or any other minority rights, or the feminist themselves focalise their hatred on the people who are actually fighting them.
The root of the problem imo is the focalisation on the white cis male. It’s mistaken because there are as many conservative women as those men, and it’s unrelated to skin color. We should call them for what they are imo: the Conservative, bourgeois and fascists. This way the incels and nice guys can be themselves and helped out of the fascists claws.
eatthecake@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Why must there be a model? An ideal, a Bond? Feminism let me be whatever, it’s only men that desparately try to define the sexes and lust after ideals. Just be people and stop obsessing about maleness and it’s need for perfection.
bouh@lemmy.world 8 months ago
you may not need a model. But many people, men or women, do need one. It’s not a men things. Many women take models. And many problem of sex discrepancy in science for example, that is why there isn’t more women in science, is supposed to be due to the lack of models.
So maybe you don’t need a model, or maybe you had a model without realising it. But not everyone is like you.
I mean, “obsessing about maleness” when women magazines are what they are is quite ironic really.
Hackerman_uwu@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Amazing, true progress. This is how society should be.
Did you ever stop to ask yourself if it’s done the same for men? Or are large parts of the male population still subject to macho stereotypes?