I’m going to tell you how I got through it, but feel free to ignore as it might not apply. At some point in your life, you made a decision that asking for money is bad. For example, you were 8 and one of your friend’s parents asked for money from your parents. Your 8 year old mind wondered why they didn’t have enough money and work harder for it and your mind may have all kinds of reasons to judge them. Maybe your parents were happy but poor so they seemed like they had money but really didn’t. I was Catholic growing up so being poor was celebrated, that’s why you should give 10% every month, lol. Anyway, that decision when you judged those people or yourself is way in the past and your brain wasn’t fully there. Now your battling between the opposites of “I need it and I know it’s best for me and my partner,” but in your subconscious, your mind is yelling at you to not be that guy. “I should be better at this stuff by now,” etc., etc.

My therapist gave me this technique and it works to soothe the battles. It’s so freaking stupid and simple, but for some reason it works. If you were to follow it, it would go like this (it can be in your mind if you’re not physically able to step forward):

• As you take a step forward, you say, "Bring on asking for accepting money from my friends for medical bills."
• As you take another step forward, you say, “I love asking for and accepting money from my friends for medical bills.” While feeling all of the feelings that entails.
• One last step forward, you say, “Asking for and accepting money from my friends for medical bills sets me free.”

Now do the opposite with, “Bring on going to go into a huge debt and never asking for help.”

This should make your body feel something because it’s that struggle making you unable to make a decision and pulling up all sorts of baggage. As I was typing this out, I think it also remakes your long ago, immature (rightfully so), decisions.

Again, no worries if this isn’t for you. It really has helped me unpack most of my baggage and you seem like you need to settle your inner battles because your body needs to concentrate on healing.