Definitely sounds like bipolar or something close. See a psychologist ASAP; faster cycles can be a warning sign. You’re not insane, you just have an unreliable narrator!

A few things I’ve learned from being married to a lady with bipolar for 16 years:

• it’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility
• not being able to trust your brain sucks, but knowing it can be a liar helps
• you can be happy and productive and have a normal life
• take your pills, especially if you don’t feel like it
• self-medicating has trade-offs - try to stick with TV or other distractions instead of things that can have consequences like drugs or sex

Good luck on your journey!