Comment on How are you feeling?
pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 week ago
My brain is like a planet with a very thin crust with a black hole inside. Everything I am is built on this extremely delicate shell of stability, and sometimes it seems like I spend most of my time clinging to the edge after having fallen through. Medication makes the shell thicker and more stable, but there’s still a black hole in my head and it’s never going to go away and I’m so tired of fighting falling in.
Pudutr0n@feddit.cl 6 days ago
That sounds really hard to handle. I’m sorry.
there are some aspects of my personality and person that took me a long time to come to terms with and accept because they seemed all bad to me. No possible upside. With time, thought, I came to understand that those aspects of myself have different value depending on context and situation, and sometimes, although not often, being the way I am in those ways I hate is great and a huge advantage.
Idk if this applies to you, but idk. Surely black holes are good for something? Maybe their power of attraction can somehow be channeled.
Either way, sorry you’re struggling with that. Good luck.
pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 days ago
In the metaphor, the black hole is nihilistic, all-consuming, apathetic depression, and I just want to stop struggling, let everything fall apart and fall in and kill myself
Pudutr0n@feddit.cl 6 days ago
Idk. detachment can be an advantage. So can carelessness and refusal to act. Definitely not all the time for all things but in the right circumstances all those things could save your life.
I get what you mean though and I’m sorry. I’ve struggled with depression a lot and it’s horrible. I wish I had the solution, pixeltree. I really do. I think it has to do with listening to myself, but can’t be really sure because I’m not fully past my own demons yet either.
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to explain. Hope you feel better soon and it becomes easier to endure.