Comment on Are old people usually attracted to other old people?
HelixDab2@lemm.ee 5 weeks ago
I’m… Unfortunately older than I wish I was. I am very solidly Gen X. I still find young people physically attractive. But I also find people my own age attractive; I most certainly would not have found people my age attractive when I was in my 20s. Even though I may find younger people attractive, I have zero interest in relationships with them. Not only do I already have a partner, but I simply have nothing in common with most of them. If I make references to Thundercats or He-Man, that shit is going to go entirely over their heads, and I’m likewise not going to understand any of their cultural references.
ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
You’re one of several people mentioning shared cultural references, but if you’re male and your partner is female then I’m surprised that she has any interest in things like Thundercats or He-Man regardless of her age. I’m a nerdy heterosexual man, and in my experience practically no women share my interests or hobbies. Therefore my relationships have been built around doing the things that pretty much everyone enjoys - eating a nice meal, going for a walk, talking about current events, playing with pets, etc. A good partner is someone who enjoys doing these ordinary things with me. Maybe someone who does share my interests would be even better but I don’t think finding a person like that is likely enough to be worth trying.
I wonder why your experience is apparently so different from mine. Am I unusual or are you?
HelixDab2@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
First, I wouldn’t suggest assuming that.
Second, the point isn’t that a partner has to like these things, but they do have to have some kind of awareness of them. You could substitute Smurfs, Family Ties, Michael Jackson’s breakout album Thriller, or watching the Challenger explode on live television because everyone in the school was watching Sally Ride go into space. Or George Bush’s famous “Read my lips: no new taxes” speech. There are a million events that are foundational to who you become. When the person that you’re dating–or in a relationship with–don’t share any of those cultural moments, it’s much more difficult to build a lasting relationship. Not impossible, but harder; that’s true with any cross-cultural relationship as well.
Common interests are nice, yeah, but they aren’t everything. Shared values—and values are very strongly shaped by the things you were exposed to growing up–are probably the single biggest thing; if you don’t share core belief systems (morals, ethics, what is important, meaning, etc.), then it’s unlikely that a relationship can survive.