Comment on am i responsible if i hurt someone by leaving them after "making" them fall in love with me?
gloktawasright@lemm.ee 5 weeks ago
You are if you were manipulating them. If you weren’t honest with them about your feelings and intentions, or if you intentionally did things to make them feel a certain way so you could get what you wanted. Or if there was a significant disparity of power between you two such as with large age gaps, particularly at younger ages, or with significant differences is wealth or within other constructed power dynamics such as a workplace.
If you were open and honest both with your words and through your actions, and there was no significant power disparity, then it was their choice to set the boundaries that they did, and to accept the consequences of the relationship they chose.
I think that’s the most I can say without more details.
fuckyou1@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
hmm so i’m all good if i tell them i’d have to leave them
gloktawasright@lemm.ee 5 weeks ago
Well “all good” is subjective and depends on lots of factors, but generally I would say amongst consenting adults, as long as you’re open and honest, then there isn’t a moral dilemma caused by a relationship having a known expiration date.
The best time to tell them is as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the more morally dubious it becomes imo. I think there can be some exceptions to that based on things like personal crises of the person being broken up with, but in general I would say that it is not your job to protect another adult from information they may find upsetting. It is patronizing to do this, and by contrast, the most respectful thing you can do is be politely and compassionately honest with them as soon as you can.
Don’t be rude about it, but if you’re situation is something along the lines of “I enjoy this relationship but I know that it will not work for me long term” then you should tell them that as nicely but as clearly as possible, and as soon as you can so that they aren’t being lead on.
If they accept that, and you both choose to continue until the expiration date, then there’s nothing wrong with that. If instead your partner decided that means the relationship is no longer worth their time and effort, that’s a perfectly reasonable response and you should do your best to part ways amicably, or transition your relationship into whatever form is most desirable to both of you under those new terms, ie friends with benefits, just friends, or simply exes of whatever level of estrangement.
That’s my advice at least. Again, it’s more generalized as I don’t know the specifics of the relationship.
But generally speaking, the ethics of relationships comes down to consent, and that is only possible when both parties are informed.
fuckyou1@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
after a month of sex?
before sex?
“hi, i will leave you but i like you, my name is dude”?
gloktawasright@lemm.ee 5 weeks ago
Well if you’re not interested in long term relationships at all, then yeah, be upfront about that. First or second date for sure.
Waiting a month is douchebag territory I’d say.