Sounds like a bit of an echo chamber, do other people like hanging out with these two friends? If they do, maybe try emulation their behavior in those ways. If not, you may just be in a tough place with these friends enabling you in bad behavior. You already understand the problem, it’s not pleasant hanging around with someone who has infinite empathy for herself but apparently no willingness to accept others as they are without belittling them.
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CatDemons4@lemmings.world 4 days agoThank you. I’ll try to get a therapist and work on it.
Sadly, only two people want to still hang out with me and the rest are A holes. They and I like to talk about how much we hate being around people (it’s EXHAUSTINGGG) and frankly, how useless everyone is. They can lend an ear and agree with me on how it’s basically us against the world, so why can’t my other friends be as decent? It’s what I don’t get :(
dnick@sh.itjust.works 4 days ago
CatDemons4@lemmings.world 4 days ago
Friends 1 and 2 are usually kind of quiet. People spend time with Friend 1 because she’s a gamer who just emulates my behavior and “worships” me. Friend 2 is quiet and doesn’t seem to have many friends besides us. She seems usually sweet, though.
dnick@sh.itjust.works 4 days ago
So it sounds like they may be emulating you for their own reasons. Amer can sometimes seem like strength even though it’s rarely even a primary emotion, just an output for a different emotion that is more difficult or embarrassing to express like fear or frustration.
I know you say you can’t help how you feel, but it might still be worth acknowledging that you recognize that it’s detrimental expression so you don’t drag them down. You may not be able to help it in the moment but that doesn’t mean you don’t recognize it afterwards and have the opportunity to acknowledge it.
On the other hand if you really think it’s justified and you shouldn’t have to apologize i would strongly encourage you to think of the analogy of someone doing the same thing but physically. If you went around kicking and punching everyone who you felt was weaker and needed ‘toughening up’, you might be just as justified, but could maybe understand why people would tend to shy away from you. Not everyone, some people like the abuse and some take shelter by being the bullies friend hoping they’ll be protected from the worst of it if they join in… And they desperately want friends too.
andrewta@lemmy.world 4 days ago
That entire second paragraph… Needs to be your opening statement to your therapist. They can help you figure out what is wrong with it and how to help you.
I am no where near qualified to answer it for you.