See, I’m country enough I’ve seen cows fuck more than I’ve fucked.
Y’all may not know this, but a bull will fuck anything. If you’re a bull, the world is your vagina. Small animals, drunk women, drunk men, frat boys that think cow tipping is a thing, cars, a tree stump, a fence post.
You ever hear a bull get a little closer to heaven? They raise a racket.
There is where I do my bull coming impression. Picture in your head a big dude, slightly balding, just a tiny bit chubby, humping a stool on stage making mooing sounds while mimicking orgasm.
Now, that’s a happy bull!
Well, until he runs into a fence post with barbed wire. Then it’s a bit less happy.
And there is where I do the same basic gag, but end up doing a big shocked face, and the moo turns into a mooing screech. I do the bit, fall over on the stage and fake cry while mooing.
Then I start saying, but you know bulls, they’re stubborn.
I stand back up, but stay bent over a little, cupping my junk, and approach the stool by circling around it, then butting it with my head a little before lining up like I’m going to hump it again.
I stop, look at a dude in the front row that’s already busting a gut and ask him if he wants a turn.
Big risk, I know. But the guy plays along and says he isn’t dumb enough to fuck barbed wire. I say, you think the bull is going to share? Bend over, big guy, here I come!
That’s followed by the loudest roaring moo I can pull out, while I charge the end of the stage and do a fall in front of the guy.
So, not a joke really. Just turning a story I tell at parties into an even more over the top stage gag. It’s all about the absurdity of this beefy guy that looks like he has more muscle than brains acting like an idiot in a bit of controlled chaos.
I actually saw a bull mount a fence post that had barbed wire. It ended essentially the same, with a sad bull and a goofy bastard laughing. Like in the gag, the bull came around for another pass, but it veered at the last second.
It’s one of those things that kills in person at a party because you can use a couch, the host, a table, a lamp, whatever. You turn a fairly dumb story into a spectacle, and because you can change up exactly how you deliver it, nobody knows how it’s going to play out.
Making it work on stage though, that was a little scary. You’ve got the mic making the sounds louder and more tinny. You don’t know the audience, so you might end up with a bunch of people that aren’t really looking to laugh, they’re looking more for something to laugh at. But that dude in front, he was fucking gold. He got the bit, he was all in on it by the time I started making hooves with my hands and mooing, before I approaches the stool.
I paid his tab lol. I doubt i would have gotten crickets, the bit is ridiculous enough someone would have laughed a little. But him just rolling with the absurdity and enjoying it carried over to the majority of the room.
southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
Not a joke, per se.
It’s a story.
See, I’m country enough I’ve seen cows fuck more than I’ve fucked.
Y’all may not know this, but a bull will fuck anything. If you’re a bull, the world is your vagina. Small animals, drunk women, drunk men, frat boys that think cow tipping is a thing, cars, a tree stump, a fence post.
You ever hear a bull get a little closer to heaven? They raise a racket.
There is where I do my bull coming impression. Picture in your head a big dude, slightly balding, just a tiny bit chubby, humping a stool on stage making mooing sounds while mimicking orgasm.
Now, that’s a happy bull!
Well, until he runs into a fence post with barbed wire. Then it’s a bit less happy.
And there is where I do the same basic gag, but end up doing a big shocked face, and the moo turns into a mooing screech. I do the bit, fall over on the stage and fake cry while mooing.
Then I start saying, but you know bulls, they’re stubborn.
I stand back up, but stay bent over a little, cupping my junk, and approach the stool by circling around it, then butting it with my head a little before lining up like I’m going to hump it again.
I stop, look at a dude in the front row that’s already busting a gut and ask him if he wants a turn.
Big risk, I know. But the guy plays along and says he isn’t dumb enough to fuck barbed wire. I say, you think the bull is going to share? Bend over, big guy, here I come!
That’s followed by the loudest roaring moo I can pull out, while I charge the end of the stage and do a fall in front of the guy.
So, not a joke really. Just turning a story I tell at parties into an even more over the top stage gag. It’s all about the absurdity of this beefy guy that looks like he has more muscle than brains acting like an idiot in a bit of controlled chaos.
I actually saw a bull mount a fence post that had barbed wire. It ended essentially the same, with a sad bull and a goofy bastard laughing. Like in the gag, the bull came around for another pass, but it veered at the last second.
It’s one of those things that kills in person at a party because you can use a couch, the host, a table, a lamp, whatever. You turn a fairly dumb story into a spectacle, and because you can change up exactly how you deliver it, nobody knows how it’s going to play out.
Making it work on stage though, that was a little scary. You’ve got the mic making the sounds louder and more tinny. You don’t know the audience, so you might end up with a bunch of people that aren’t really looking to laugh, they’re looking more for something to laugh at. But that dude in front, he was fucking gold. He got the bit, he was all in on it by the time I started making hooves with my hands and mooing, before I approaches the stool.
I paid his tab lol. I doubt i would have gotten crickets, the bit is ridiculous enough someone would have laughed a little. But him just rolling with the absurdity and enjoying it carried over to the majority of the room.