Shelena
@Shelena@feddit.nl
- Comment on Anon gets diagnosed 2 months ago:
I am sorry to hear that. I think your mother ignoring autism can be as harmful as her telling you have it while you don’t. In both cases, you are not seen and accepted for who you are.
I have an official document stating that if I am incapable of making decisions, my parents are not allowed to make decisions for me and they cannot be with me in the room by themselves or touch me. I feel quite guilty about that, but I just cannot deal with what will happen otherwise.
- Comment on Anon gets diagnosed 2 months ago:
Yes, definitely. I did have a lot of symptoms of trauma as a child, in hindsight. This provided an explanation for that in which my parents weren’t blamed for it and it was just all on me again.
- Comment on Anon gets diagnosed 2 months ago:
No apologies necessary, in my opinion. You did not mean anything negative and you did not know. I just wanted to explain the other side.
- Comment on Anon gets diagnosed 2 months ago:
I can see that you did not mean anything offensive by it. However, I have had similar things happening to me (misdiagnosis of autism so my parents did not have to take responsibility for tramuatising me) and I might have responded similarly.
When someone imposes a diagnosis on you that is wrong and does it for selfish reasons, when you are a child, it is very harmful. It hurts your feeling of self worth to the core and makes you constantly question yourself and who you are. It takes a lot of strength to stop the selfdoubt and finally conclude that you do not have autism and that what you feel and think is correct and not what you have been told all your life by the people you were supposed to be able to trust. That is really a very difficult thing to do, because the anxiety that something is “wrong” with you after all is always there. It takes courage.
If you have been struggling with questioning yourself in this way and if you state that you are not autistic after all, then it is difficult to deal with a response suggesting that you might be wrong. That is almost painful.
I know that you did not mean it that way. There is no way you could have known if this is something you have no experience with. Also, I cannot say something about why someone else responds in a certain way. I might be wrong about that. However, when I read your question, I immediately got quite triggered as well. I guess I just wanted to explain where a response like this can come from in some cases.
- Comment on Anon gets diagnosed 2 months ago:
Are you still in that situation or do you mean that that happened in the past? For me it got better once I left home. Although I was still in contact with her. Now it is much better, because I only occasionally have contact with her and only via text. It took me years to get there, but I did. I hope you do too if you have not already.
- Comment on Anon gets diagnosed 2 months ago:
The same thing happened to me. I did not know it is a common thing! I was told I am autistic, but it turns out I have CPTSD. I think telling me I was autistic it was just an easy was to blame the ways in which I responded to being traumatised on me again.
- Comment on Anon gets diagnosed 2 months ago:
I thought I was the only one! I really did not know that this is something that happens more often.
My mother managed to convince her psychiatrist to diagnose me with autism when I was 13. He told me that I had autism and that if I did not get treated, I would be alone forever and I would never be able to make friends. He also called it a handicap. No treatment was started, there was no help or anything after that. The psychiatrist told me and I never saw him again. My mother told everyone around her I was autistic and they all felt very bad for her, including me. I felt really sad she had me for a daughter and I hated myself for being who I was.
Turns out I am not autistic at all. Like, I had it checked out thoroughly and there was no doubt about it. I actually an able to emphasise with others better than average etc. I also have some really close friends, which I made once I was able to leave home. I do have CPTSD though from severe emotional neglect and psychological abuse.
It is so weird to see similar stories here. I know my social skills are fine, but I still feel insecure about my social functioning. I am always looking for stuff I might do wrong that confirms that I am autistic after all. I also still feel like something is fundamentally wrong with me and as if my existence is somehow an enormous burden for others. (This is not how I feel about autistic people, but it is how I was made to feel about myself by that diagnosis.) It is a feeling that is very difficult to change.
- Comment on Is there another way to do it...? 5 months ago:
Oh, I did not know that. I have been doing it wrong all these years then. Could have been drinking cocktails on the beach instead of reading all these papers.
- Comment on Is there another way to do it...? 5 months ago:
I am sorry, but what is wrong with your professor? You were doing exactly what you are supposed to do in a peer review. You should go look for things that are wrong or should be improved and only if the paper can withstand that process, it should be published. Only providing positive comments is really harmful to the scientific process and, in the end, to society.
To be honest, I think I reject more than half of the papers that I review. The rest require major or minor revision. It is not that I have a target or anything for how many I need to reject, it is just that most papers are of such low quality that I cannot do anything else. I think the number of papers I reject is quite normal in my field.
So, not all your comments need to be positive. If there is reason to be positive, you should mention it. And your comments should be constructive and respectful, but definitely not always positive.
In the case you are describing where the authors seem to only have read the titles of the papers, I would definitely reject. This is fraud. You are saying you did a literature study and you did not. So, I would be quite clear about that. I would also be a bit angry that they wasted my time. So, in my opinion, that is how a reviewer should respond in this situation, not with only positive comments.
- Comment on *sad laughing noises* 7 months ago:
You can try. At least with ADHD you have creativity and hyperfocus. That might help. :-)
- Comment on *sad laughing noises* 8 months ago:
I already had mental illness before I started!
- Comment on It just... works 8 months ago:
Apparently, it is not true
- Comment on Breathtaking colorized video from 1896 of around the world 8 months ago:
That is really cool! Especially with the watches. I was hoping there would be some video of the city my great grandparents lived in. It would be nice to be able to see what their life was like. Maybe I might even see them without knowing it, as I am not sure what they looked like.
- Comment on Ryan Gosling and Mark Ronson Perform 'I'm Just Ken' at Oscars 2024 8 months ago:
You forgot to mention Slash in the title! Perfect way to trick my boyfriend into watching this. He loves Slash.
- Comment on Mental eelness 10 months ago:
He looks eel!
- Comment on [deleted] 1 year ago:
They told me it was viewed as stealing the bikes and that that is why it was illegal. We never had any safety incidents as far as I know. We all could swim and there were not that many boats where we did this. Also, it was not that big of a fall if you would fall in. Maybe 2 meters or something?
- Comment on [deleted] 1 year ago:
I think it would be viewed as stealing the bikes. However, there was no way to give the bikes back to the people that owned them and we were cleaning the canals (we tried to throw anything else we found that was not usable in the trash, if possible). So, it shouldn’t have been illegal.
- Comment on [deleted] 1 year ago:
In my student years, we would use a rope with a hook on it and went to fish in the canals for bicycles. If we would find a good one, we put new tires on etc and maybe paint it a little. And in this way we got almost free bikes.
I think it was illegal though. So, there was someone on the lookout. If the police came we would quickly throw them back in the canal and try to act not suspiciously.