This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/cfb by /u/ark_47 on 2024-01-25 22:52:19.
When you think of Kirk Ferentz, whats are some of the first things you think of? For most it’s probably the fact that he is the current longest tenured coach in the FBS. For others, maybe his innability to modernize the Iowa Hawkeye offense. And if you’re Gary Barta, you probably believe that Mr. Ferentz is your father (seriously Kirk, what dirt do you know…)!
Myself on the other hand always get distracted by one specific Kirk Quirk. He never fails to be chomping on a piece of gum everytime the camera pans over to him. I remember even pointing it out all the way to the first Iowa Hawkeye game I have memories of; the2010 Orange Bowl against Georgia Tech. It was January 5th, 2010 when my interest in Kirk Ferentz’s habit piqued my interest. What is his go-to brand and flavor? How many sticks of gum, or even packs, does he go through per game? Per season? And ultimately, what damage does his wallet take when everything is all said and done?
So, why bubble gum? Since his youth, Coach Ferentz partook in what many kids his age during that era did; collect baseball cards! If you’re 40 years or older, this is probably a past time you enjoyed as well. For us younger folk though, bubble gum companies partnered up with trading card companies to offer a 2-for-1 deal, satisfying both lovers of America’s former favorite past time (watching baseball) and chewing gum. What is Coach Ferentzs gum of choice? Sugarlass Bubble Yum of course! That is, of course, until 2020. According to Kirk, Bubble Yum vanished after the Covid-19 Pandemic started so he had to switch his loyalties over to Trident Cinnamon, and occasionly Trident Spearmint or Wintergreen.
Kirk Ferentz goes with the sugarless gum due to his soft teeth, something the stone-handed Iowa wide receivers could learn from. Of course he jokes it is a healthier habit than smoking. While that is true, I doubt his wife Mary would put up with any of that nonsense. Coach Ferentz claims that his pockets are stocked with no less than 3 packs of gum per game, which is smart due Dr. Kanh of the Cleveland Clinic recomending no more than 15 minutes per piece. With an average of 3 hours and 22 minutes per college football game, that should leave Coach Ferentz with either 16 sticks of his Bubble Yum, or 28 if his Trident Cinnamon left to spare. But, does he ever truly get close to running out? How much does he spend per season? How many damn sticks of gum have lost their lives at the hands of one Kirk Ferentz?
Lastly, before we delve into the numbers, there are some pro’s and cons with the data. Luckily I was able to find data on the real-world length of time for Kirk’s Iowa Hawkeyes. Unfortunately though it was only for the years 2018, 2019, 2021, 2022, and 2023. I have not been able to find any previous years anywhere else, nor do I have the time or commitment to do any actual research, so some guestimaitons and averages will be my go to for the year 2020, and before 2018. I also didn’t dig too deep on the price fluctuation of gum throughout the years, so a simple inflation rate will be applied. Hopefully thats okay with anyone viewing this? If not oh well. Now, into the numbers!
| Year | School | Games Coached | Gum | Total Chew Time | Sticks Chewed | Packs of Gum Chewed | Pack Price per Pack | Season Gum Budget |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1977 | UConn | 11 | Bubble Yum | 37:36:25 | 152.419 | 15.242 | $0.26 | $3.96 |
| 1978 | Worchester Academy | 11 | Bubble Yum | 37:36:25 | 152.419 | 15.242 | $0.28 | $4.27 |
| 1979 | Worchester Academy | 11 | Bubble Yum | 37:36:25 | 152.419 | 15.242 | $0.31 | $4.72 |
| 1980 | Pittsburgh | 12 | Bubble Yum | 41:01:33 | 165.567 | 16.557 | $0.35 | $5.79 |
| 1981 | Iowa | 12 | Bubble Yum | 41:01:33 | 165.567 | 16.557 | $0.39 | $6.46 |
| 1982 | Iowa | 12 | Bubble Yum | 41:01:33 | 165.567 | 16.557 | $0.41 | $6.79 |
| 1983 | Iowa | 12 | Bubble Yum | 41:01:33 | 165.567 | 16.557 | $0.42 | $6.95 |
| 1984 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $0.44 | $7.82 |
| 1985 | Iowa | 12 | Bubble Yum | 41:01:33 | 165.567 | 16.557 | $0.46 | $7.62 |
| 1986 | Iowa | 12 | Bubble Yum | 41:01:33 | 165.567 | 16.557 | $0.47 | $7.78 |
| 1987 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $0.48 | $8.53 |
| 1988 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $0.50 | $8.88 |
| 1989 | Iowa | 11 | Bubble Yum | 37:36:25 | 152.419 | 15.242 | $0.53 | $8.08 |
| 1990 | Maine | 11 | Bubble Yum | 37:36:25 | 152.419 | 15.242 | $0.56 | $8.54 |
| 1991 | Maine | 11 | Bubble Yum | 37:36:25 | 152.419 | 15.242 | $0.58 | $8.84 |
| 1992 | Maine | 11 | Bubble Yum | 37:36:25 | 152.419 | 15.242 | $0.60 | $9.15 |
| 1993 | Browns | 16 | Bubble Yum | 51:12:00 | 204.8 | 20.480 | $0.61 | $12.49 |
| 1994 | Browns | 18 | Bubble Yum | 57:36:00 | 230.4 | 23.040 | $0.63 | $14.52 |
| 1995 | Browns | 16 | Bubble Yum | 51:12:00 | 204.8 | 20.480 | $0.65 | $13.31 |
| 1996 | Ravens | 16 | Bubble Yum | 51:12:00 | 204.8 | 20.480 | $0.67 | $13.72 |
| 1997 | Ravens | 16 | Bubble Yum | 51:12:00 | 204.8 | 20.480 | $0.68 | $13.93 |
| 1998 | Ravens | 16 | Bubble Yum | 51:12:00 | 204.8 | 20.480 | $0.69 | $14.13 |
| 1999 | Iowa | 11 | Bubble Yum | 37:36:25 | 152.419 | 15.242 | $0.71 | $11.68 |
| 2000 | Iowa | 12 | Bubble Yum | 41:01:33 | 165.567 | 16.557 | $0.73 | $12.01 |
| 2001 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $0.75 | $13.32 |
| 2002 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $0.76 | $13.50 |
| 2003 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $0.78 | $13.86 |
| 2004 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $0.80 | $14.21 |
| 2005 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $0.83 | $14.75 |
| 2006 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $0.86 | $15.28 |
| 2007 | Iowa | 12 | Bubble Yum | 41:01:33 | 165.567 | 16.557 | $0.88 | $14.48 |
| 2008 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $0.92 | $16.35 |
| 2009 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $0.91 | $16.17 |
| 2010 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $0.93 | $16.52 |
| 2011 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $0.96 | $17.06 |
| 2012 | Iowa | 12 | Bubble Yum | 41:01:33 | 165.567 | 16.557 | $0.98 | $16.12 |
| 2013 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $0.99 | $17.59 |
| 2014 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $1.01 | $17.94 |
| 2015 | Iowa | 14 | Bubble Yum | 47:51:48 | 191.059 | 19.106 | $1.01 | $19.30 |
| 2016 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $1.02 | $18.12 |
| 2017 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 44:26:41 | 177.666 | 17.767 | $1.04 | $18.48 |
| 2018 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 42:05:43 | 168.381 | 16.838 | $1.07 | $18.02 |
| 2019 | Iowa | 13 | Bubble Yum | 43:05:34 | 172.371 | 17.237 | $1.09 | $18.79 |
| 2020 | Iowa | 8 | Bubble Yum | 27:21:02 | 120.6 | 12.060 | $1.10 | $13.27 |
| 2021 | Iowa | 14 | Trident Cinnamon | 44:54:15 | 179.617 | 12.830 | $1.38 | $17.71 |
| 2022 | Iowa | 13 | Trident Cinnamon | 50:46:12 | 203.08 | 14.506 | $1.49 | $21.61 |
| 2023 | Iowa | 14 | Trident Cinnamon | 47:54:58 | 191.664 | 13.690 | $1.55 | $21.22 |
| League | Total Chew Time | Total Games Coached | Total Sticks | Total Packs | Total Gum Gudget |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| NCAA | 1,729:38:19 | 506 (83.8%) | 6,965.501 (84.7%) | 680.140 (84.4%) | $521.52 (86.4%) |
| NFL | 313:36:00 | 98 (16.2%) | 1,254.4 (15.3%) | 125.44 (15.6%) | $82.10 (13.6%) |
| TOTAL | 2,043:14:19 | 604 | 8,219.901 | 805.580 | $603.62 |
| AVERAGE per SEASON | 43:28:23 | 12.851 | 174.892 | 17.513 | $12.84 |
In conclusion, after 46 seasons, only spending $603.62 for a healthy in-game habit isn’t too bad. Thats only 0.0086% of his $7 million/year contract at Iowa through 2029. Hell if he wanted to, he could order 4,516,129 packs of his new boo, Trident Cinnamon, giving him 63,225,806 sticks of chewy goodness.
With his 2,043 hours and 14 minutes of chewing time, he has chewed in-game for over 85 days. Kirk Ferentz with the titanium jaw or what? He could have instead ran 18,528 miles. Thats running from the East coast to the West Coast 6.75 times!
A stick of Bubble Yum is 20 calories, and a stick of Trident Cinnamon is 5. That is 155,782.605 calories, or 44 lbs and 8.15 ozs worth of gum consuption/enjoyment. Unfortunately for Kirk though, chewing gum only burns 2.75 calories per 15 minutes, meaning over his 46 years he only chewed off 22,604.73 calories, giving him an additional 133,177.88 calories, or roughly 0.83 lbs packed on a year.