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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Mint_JewLips on 2023-10-06 18:46:20.
I work in tech, so I am no stranger to being singled out or being talked over/ignored when I have something to contribute. I’ve gotten in the habit of telling my co-workers, majority men, to let me finish what I am saying. Some of my co-workers are polite about it and realize they were cutting me off and apologize, but one co-worker has always been put off by this. Like… okay lol. Sorry that I can come up with a solution.
Main thing is they get so stun locked on making a decision and often when I think of a solution, they suddenly realize where I am going with it and try to then cut me off to say the thing I was obviously about to say. Anyway, that one co-worker had enough of me being able to speak for 3% of the time and sent me an email.
He said that he isn’t appreciative of my “unprofessional” behavior and that it is very “unbecoming of a young lady” to be “aggressive”. Let me remind you that this is about me not letting people cut me off over a video call lol. He goes on to tell me that I need to recognize that there are experienced coders in the calls and that I would do better to listen more. The thing is, I barely talk. Most of the time it’s because everyone is stuck on a problem that I happen to have an idea on.
He just couldn’t handle it. Anyways, I didn’t reply and just sent the email to HR. We will see how that goes. I know HR gives two shits about me, but if this continues I will probably make a formal complaint elsewhere, which is what I stated in the email.
Protip: If you want HR to do something, don’t expect them to do it for your sake. Threaten an EEOC complaint and all of a sudden they become polite and responsive.
And add in context. I have been harassed by male co-workers before. I tried the whole “talk to them first” thing and all it did was lead to him trying to start rumors to mess with my reputation. So, I am over trying to be human to people who treat me less than.
Just a constant reminder that just existing and contributing in regular life is a threat to men, especially older men in my experience. If I had a nickle for every time I was called “young lady” in a condescending way, well then I wouldn’t be doing an entry level coder job, I can tell you that much lol.