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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/danthpop on 2023-10-06 15:01:32.
So this is something I’ve been struggling with as someone who considers myself a mental health advocate.
I’m a photographer. I primarily do weddings but I also do all kinds of potrait shoots; a lot of families, newborn photos, engagement pics, pregnancy shoots, things of that nature. When I get particularly good photos, I like to display them in my studio, with the client’s permission of course. I typically do a consultation before these types of shoots so we can get an idea of exactly what the client wants and I can set up my studio space accordingly, and it was during one of these consultations that this happened.
A couple I’ll call “Jen” and “Harry” came in for consult about an engagement shoot. Quite early on in the consult, Jen excused herself to the bathroom and didn’t come back. Long story short, it transpired that she was having a panic attack in the loo. What transpired is that Jen has severe tokophobia (fear of pregnancy and childbirth) and was triggered by the photos of pregnant people and newborns I have displayed. I apologised that she’d been triggered in my studio, and then Harry asked if to would be possible for me to remove any pictures featuring a pregnant person or a newborn when they came back for their shoot. Now, technically it is possible for me to do this but it would be very inconvenient as my studio space isn’t very big and there’s not much free storage, so realistically I’d have to take these photos down, move them elsewhere, then bring them back after the shoot, which is a lot of faff on my end. I explained this (in much more professional terms) and suggested that they might instead want to look elsewhere for their shoot. I provided a list of other photogs I know who don’t do pregnancy or newborn pics, so might be better able to accommodate them. They took the list and left and I thought all was well.
However, they have publicly posted on social media stating that I discriminated against them because of Jen’s mental health condition and that the section on my website where I say I can make accommodations for health issues and disabilities is a lie. This made me feel awful, because it’s not my intention, and what’s worse is other people were agreeing that what I did was really wrong and that I’m an asshole for how I acted. I haven’t responded publicly to the post yet, though I’ve sent them a private message asking if we can talk about it (haven’t heard back yet). I’m just now really paranoid that I did the wrong thing and made an asshole move. From an objective standpoint, do you guys think I did?