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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/fabvanfan on 2023-10-06 01:26:01.
I live in a co-op that has both disabled and non-disabled residents. I came up with the idea for a peer-support/help exchange roster, where people could help each other out if interested.
Another resident and I set up a meeting to share the idea, get feedback, and potentially some money out of our “social fund” that people pitch into at the beginning of every year to finance group activities. The day of the meeting my wheelchair battery almost completely stopped working, and even though my co-presenter and I had agreed to arrive 15 min early, the meeting was almost about to start by the time we arrived, due to my wheelchair moving so slowly. I was right behind her, attempting to enter the room when she let the door close in my face. I gestured for her to hit the auto-door opener because there was only one on her side of the door. She neither let me in nor told anyone that I was outside waiting for the door to be opened. Instead she told them I couldn’t make it because of wheelchair problems so people we pretty surprised when I finally found someone to push the door open for me.
Later on my co-presenter admitted to doing this purposefully, she said “why would I tell them, you already made us late I wasn’t going to allow you to disrupt the meeting any more.” (We weren’t late, just not early, and once able to enter, it took all of 45 secs to join the group.) She also admitted to wanting to replace me with someone else because my wheelchair problem had frustrated and annoyed her. Note: this project is titled Advancing Accessibility and Good Neighbourliness, and the ideas all mine. I asked her not to use the language & materials I’d produced and she said “I’ll use whatever language I please” and said I was “deluded” for thinking people wouldn’t understand why she couldn’t “let” me attend that meeting. (Anyone not using a wheelchair could just stroll in, I was the only she could’ve one kept out like that.)
It feels so unfair and underhanded, so I really want to inform the rest of our neighbours who went to the meeting about what she did. Part of me thinks that’s petty because it happened months ago (she only just admitted what had happened) and I still did get to attend the majority of the meeting.
Am I the asshole for wanting to exposing her bad behaviour, thus potentially torpedoing a project that could help other people with disabilities? Should I swallow my pride and try to work things out with her to try to salvage some hope of progressing a cause I believe in?