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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/ellielekkieekkie on 2023-10-05 22:24:18.
Original Title: I want absolutely nothing to do with 99.9999% of men due to a lifetime of trauma and horrible experiences. I feel like this is just self preservation and smart. While men think it’s sexist. What are your thoughts?
Not going to get too much into my personal history, but I went through a decade of repeated SA from age 7-17, have been stalked, threatened, still face regular street harassment as an adult woman, etc the list goes on. Watched DV happen at home, watched women’s male spouses make promises then repeatedly break them, emotionally abuse wives, etc. You know, all the standard negative things that make women fearful and distrustful of men. I would say a huge chunk of my interactions with men I don’t know and don’t trust are negative.
Some time ago I decided to decentralize men and to embrace and strengthen bonds with women and to focus on my needs. Because I grew up in traditional Chinese culture, vast majority of my life has been people nudging me to mould myself to be the perfect long suffering wife, the nurturing generous sister, the respectful polite yielding woman. Whatever bullshit keeps women being overworked providers, domestic house servants. It took so much effort to decouple myself from all that. Understanding my rage and truly seeing through patriarchy and oppression and really realizing how brain washed women have been really helped.
Anyways this revolution changed so much for me. It’s improved my quality of life because I no longer entertain or give my time to men because I feel obligated. I no longer feel bad about being rude to men, I no longer feel that struggle to be nice to them when I’m actually super uncomfortable around them. I’ve just completely written men out of my life except for my husband, my brother and a couple of genuinely good lifelong male friends. It is so nice.
However, whenever I talk about this stuff online, there’s always a chorus of men saying I’m being sexist. I really try hard not to care, but at the same time being called sexist doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t understand why men are so offended by me deciding not to interact with them. I’m not harming men. I’m simply choosing to minimize their presence in my life. Also, if someone chooses to avoid risky situations because they’ve had bad experiences, isn’t that just smart? Isn’t that just survival instinct?
Men keep saying they’re the logical ones, but how is it that they have such a hard time understanding this? And if the genders were flipped and a man had been abused for a decade, had constantly horrible behavior, harassment from women directed at him, I would sympathize with him and understand why he doesn’t want to engage with women. I wouldn’t ever say “ThAtS sO sExIsT”. Like all this is just so simple, why can’t they understand?