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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Pee_A_Poo on 2023-10-05 18:02:30.

My partner and I (35NB and 60M) hosted a dinner party for some friends, let’s called them “Mark” (55M) and “Gertrude” (45F). Gertrude is allergic to glutens so cooking for her has always been a bit of a challenge.

I really didn’t want to have a dinner party on a Wednesday because I am the gourmet cook in the household and people expect me to make gourmet food for them. I work late that day so the time I start cooking dinner, I am already exhausted.

But Mark and Gertrude insisted on coming ASAP. Because Gertrude is unemployed while Mark was recently laid off. I offered to refer him to my current employer who is hiring for multiple positions and Mark wants to see what’s available.

So I ended my WfH day at 3:30 and began slow cooking oxtail stew. I mix my own source using fresh ingredients and a little bit of miso. For some reason - most probably tiredness - kept thinking miso is gluten free because it’s made of soy, not wheat or corn.

My partner “Casper” offered me to help me do some cooking and when he saw the miso, told me that miso can have trace gluten in it and we can’t serve the oxtail. By the time dinner had been stewing for over 1.5hrs and there was not enough time to make anything else. So we ordered sushi takeaway instead.

When Gertrude and Mark arrived she was excited to smell the oxtail cooking on the stove, because that was her favourite. I apologised and explained the situation and offered sushi instead. Gertrude was quiet the whole evening and starred daggers at me.

It got worse because Casper and Mark are both socially inept and dug into the oxtail stew while commenting on how delicious it was. At that moment I really wanted to dig a hole in the ground and disappear.

Later today I saw that Gertrude had made a passive-aggressive social media post calling me TA without actually naming me. Her words were something along the lines of “some stupid asshole thought it was a good idea to add miso in a dish that never required miso for thousands of years just to feel smart. And now my dinner was ruined. SMH.”

The comments were agreeing with her and there are other allergic people calling me an ignorant asshole. And I just feel really bad. I tried to do two nice things for Mark and ended up being called TA.

So AITA?