This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowawayNewRing on 2023-10-05 15:46:50.

First, the good news: my girlfriend and I are engaged! I proposed to her on our anniversary, just as I’d planned. She said yes, and we both cried. I love this woman, and I can’t wait to marry her.

Also, my brother’s single.

A couple days after my post, my mom called me and apologized. After thinking it through, she realized that while I did threaten his relationship, my brother had brought it upon himself.

She confronted him the next day, and he ended up confessing that he wasn’t going to propose until I said I was.

My brother is older, but I’ve hit many milestones earlier than him. He never seemed bitter about it. We’ve always been close and supported each other, which is why I was completely blindsided by what he did.

Finding out I was proposing made him panic. He spontaneously said he was doing so too, but freaked out about picking an engagement ring and devised a plan that, according to him, made sense at the time: use mine and take his girlfriend to buy a new one later.

That plan was ruined when I said no, so he stole my ring. The new plan was to propose with it, take her to buy a new one, find an excuse to visit me the next day and discretely return the ring to my apartment. I wasn’t even supposed to know it was gone. That plan was also ruined, due to his girlfriend’s immediate announcement. He knew she was doing it, but not that she’d show the ring.

Then he got mad I made him get me a new ring, because he’d told his girlfriend he’d get her one too. So his plan to spare himself the effort of choosing an engagement ring would end up making him buy two.

Basically, my mom got him to admit his whole engagement was a panic move. She said he already seemed embarrassed when they started talking, but was a wreck by the time they were done. She told him to apologize to me, and he called me an hour later to do so. He seemed sincere.

Many of you said his girlfriend deserved to know the truth, and I agree. The only reason I hadn’t done so was because I thought that should come from my brother. So I took the opportunity to tell him that if he truly loved her, he’d tell her the truth.

He did. I don’t know much of what was said, but she dumped him. He gave me back the first ring and refused my offer to pay him back what he’d spent on the new one.

As some of you recommended, I waited two days after proposing to tell my fiancée what happened. She was furious, but reassured me that she loved her ring more than any other. Since the first one was on sale, I can’t return it to the store, so we’re thinking of selling it.

I haven’t forgiven my brother. But because he’s never done anything like this before, I’m willing to give him another chance. I’m going LC for now, he’ll have to earn my trust back. I really hope he does. I love him, and I don’t want our relationship to end over what he did. Both my fiancée and my mom agree with me on this.

There’s more I want to add, but the word limit’s not helping. I’ll try to reply to more comments this time. Thank you all.