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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/nafsiyatisnorlax on 2023-10-05 07:17:53.
Around a week ago, a group of my coworkers and I were having casual lunch and talking about each other’s lives when this girl (who joined not too long ago) who we’ll call Jane (34F), told us about a guy who she’s been dating for a while and how she thinks they will be making it official soon. She was excitedly going on about him when another coworker asked her for a picture of him, if she has any. Initially she was hesitant because, her words, “he doesn’t like having his pictures taken”.
So she pulls up a picture of him and the moment my eyes land on her phone, I became fucking paralyzed for a few moments. Yeah, it was none other than Mark (42M), who happens to be the husband of my friend Sarah (39F). I couldn’t believe my eyes, and I was so freaking confused about all of this. After asking her around a bit, I found out that Mark and Jane have been seeing each other for almost a year now and also used to be high school sweethearts who just *happened to reconnect*.
So after lunch that day, I impulsively decided to confront Mark, we spoke over the phone and I told him everything about Jane, and he admitted to seeing Jane behind Sarah’s back. Mark claimed it was a recent fling and promised to end things with Jane and work on his marriage with Sarah. He begged me profusely to not tell Sarah anything, as he’ll fix this up himself. Reluctantly, I agreed to keep this whole thing between us, thinking he might end things with Jane or maybe tell Sarah of his infidelity himself.
Unfortunately, I soon discovered that Mark hadn’t kept his word. He was still seeing Jane, betraying them both. Also, Jane doesn’t know Mark’s married, as he never told her. So at this point, both of the women are unaware of Mark two timing them.
Feeling stuck in the middle and because Mark went back on his promise, I decided Sarah deserved to know the truth. I spilled the beans about the affair and Mark’s ongoing involvement with Jane. Sarah was devastated, and she confronted Mark, leading to a heated fight, police were called etc and that pretty much ended with her asking for a divorce.
Now, things have taken a dramatic turn in our friend group. Some of our mutual friends are angry with me, blaming me for causing the collapse of a seemingly good marriage. Hostility is all times high against me within our friend group, and it’s putting a strain on our relationships.
To make matters worse, Mark’s mother even contacted me, expressing her anger and frustration, and she wasn’t shy about using choice words to describe my actions. She called me a bitch and a homewrecker like I was the one Mark was cheating with???
So, tl;dr, am I the asshole for exposing my friend’s cheating husband to her and the girl he was cheating on with and potentially causing a divorce in their marriage and bad blood among our friend group? Should I have just stayed out of it all together, or did I do the right thing by revealing the full extent of Mark’s betrayal?
Edit: thank you to everyone who commented and gave me assurance that I am infact NTA. I had been beating myself up over this whole thing for the past ten days but no more. Thank you really. Also, for all the people commenting about Jane and Mark’s age gap and how it doesn’t make sense. I know it doesn’t, maybe Mark lied about how he met Jane or maybe Jane gave me a false age, but I’m leaning more towards the former because the guy’s a cheater and an even shittier liar.