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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Faerie_Nuff on 2023-10-04 01:09:39.

What the title says. I admit I probably don’t tidy as well as he does, but I’m the one who does the tidying generally speaking. On the rare occassion he does, he puts stuff in brand new places, and then when I ask where said stuff is, he can’t remember where he’s put them, and gets angry and accusatory saying I’m assuming he’s moved it, why can’t it be me who moved it?

I’ll admit, of course there have been a couple of times I’ve put something down and can’t remember where I put it, I’m only human. But I mean every single time he has “a tidy up” stuff is not in the place it’s supposed to be, the usual place it lives. And frankly, I at least know my regular spots if I ever can’t find something in its usual spot. It’s a last resort if I have to ask him where something is, and happens far too often after he’s “tidied”.

For example, one year at Christmas was the only time he put the Christmas decorations/tree etc away (I was too ill at the time). All the “special” tree decorations go into a particular bag, which goes into a box with the rest of the baubles. That bag went missing the one year he put stuff away. He then got angry with me about it. I found them a few months ago and have put them where they’re supposed to be. I still remember doing that, and where they are. I don’t know why he doesn’t remember where he puts stuff like that, it feels like he’s not really paying attention to where things go, more just that they’re out of sight and therefore “tidy”.

Another example, I quit smoking recently and bought a vape. I kept the small box along with other relevent bits and bobs, in a small storage box that lives atop the microwave. I had need for the first time, for the charger that came with the box. The box was nowhere to be found. However the little bits and bobs box was still atop the microwave. I asked him if he could remember where he put it, but was met with the same anger (of course I just assumed it was him - not an assumption, I distinctly remember where I kept stuff, and I’m not the one who randomly decides to reorganise systems that’s have worked just fine for years). Surprise surprise he later found it in a place I can’t reach, so had to admit it was him who moved it (although couldn’t provide a reason as to why he moved it in the first place).

The one that has really upset me, and why I write this post, is a suitcase. This particular suitcase had my late grandma’s clothes in it. I very, very rarely open it as it has her smell, which I’m sure sounds odd, but I hope others who have experienced immense grief understand. It’s something reserved only for when I’m feeling really low, so I can go smell her for comfort. My mum left when I was very little, and my grandma looked after me p much every holiday etc and aside my big sister is the closest thing I’ve had to a mum.

A few months ago, I reorganised the loft conversion as it’s become quite overgrown with storage and random stuff and my LL is trying to sell the house atm. Well apparently my partner didn’t think the pictures would look good enough with the boxes on the side of the room I’d left them on, so decided to rearrange my hard work. Well tonight I noticed this particular suitcase was above the wardrobe we have in there, and not inside it as it had always been. I also noticed it was open. My heart instantly sank, all the more when I open it up to see maybe 2 items of grandma’s in there (that just about still have her smell), and the rest is crap that my LL left up there, like 18th birthday cards and stuff I couldn’t give a monkeys about.

I text my other half to have a good old think if he couldn’t remember where the contents of the suitcase may be, as the only logical conclusion is that he decided the suitcase would be better used for storing their old crap, rather than what I assume he assumed was just some old clothes. Alas, he got home a few minutes ago and shock horror, is angry at me for daring to “accuse” him of moving the stuff.

Unless I am truly bat shit mental, there is no way in all of hell freezing over that I removed the contents of that suitcase, then placed it, open, above the wardrobe, in full view of the skylight where all worlds of sun damage could happen to it.

He genuinely doesn’t ever remember moving stuff, that’s one thing. But the way he gets angry at me whenever I ask him if he can remember where he moved stuff to, just hurts and feels like Im on my own trying to find sometimes the simplest of things, like my vape charger. Needle in a haystack. I don’t understand why he gets so annoyed with me, why he can’t just be more mindful with where he puts stuff, why he can’t remember where he puts stuff, and I often don’t understand why he feels the need to move my stuff in the first place.

I’m so hurt rn, mainly because I’m reliving a whole lotta grief from when I lost my gran, and fear I’ve lost her smell forever - as weird as I’m sure that sounds, I just can’t explain the grief I feel right now.

I’m so sorry for such a long post, and for not really knowing where to post this other than here. I’ll probably delete this, as I’m sure this is just a way for me to process the grief I’m feeling rn.

Anyone else have a partner like this? Can anyone else relate? Would anyone else like to wallow in self pity with me?