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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/kittywenham on 2023-10-03 18:47:36.
This is my flatmate’s boyfriend’s flatmate.
I love my flatmate. Her boyfriend is OK. I don’t mind people coming over as long as they don’t expect me to socialise and aren’t staying so long it disturbs my pets (I have birds and rabbits)
I’ve met him a total of two times before this happened. Both were group situations. Never been alone with him. Never expressed any interest. Never been anything but polite.
One of those group situations was on Saturday. At the end of the evening he asked me out and I tried to politely decline. Awkward, but I can deal with it.
Yesterday he comes over to my house uninvited at about 7pm. I was not told or asked about this beforehand. Weird, but maybe he’s hanging out with my flatmate and her boyfriend, right?
Wrong, they spend the whole evening out. He just…stays in my living room. I’ve already had a heavy weekend of socialising, don’t know this man, don’t really want to know him, so I feel incredibly guilty but I make excuses and disappear upstairs, thinking my flatmate and her bf will come back soon or he’ll just leave.
Wrong again.
Despite being alone the whole time, and me being the only person in the house, he stays there until gone midnight. I ask him to leave three times before he actually does. My pets are stressed out because they should be in bed and don’t like strangers. He also leaves me a fucking letter. This is the third time I’ve met him. I barely know him. He leaves me a super emotional handwritten letter about how he understands I have mental health issues and how his mum did too and how he thinks I’m an amazing person and asking me out AGAIN.
I don’t even know what to say. I’ve been super short to him all evening when we’ve had to interact. I already rejected him two days ago. I make sure he has left. I lock my door. He texts me this morning saying he had a great time and he will “tell” me next time he’s coming over???
I don’t want to ruin things with my flatmate or her boyfriend because I like them but I need everyone to know this is not ok. I need him to know I don’t want him to text me or visit ever again. I need my flatmate and her boyfriend to know it is not ok to bring people over and then leave them here alone and try and force me to socialise.
Some people I’ve talked to think I’m being dramatic but I feel completely violated. This flat is my safe space and I felt unsafe here for the first time. I’ve had to go to therapy recently and been encouraged to be more open to people and branch out my social life and then this happens. I never want to let someone in my house again. I don’t really know what to do or how to communicate with him because I’m so pissed off, but as I say, I don’t want to burn bridges with other mutual friends.
I feel unsettled and uncomfortable and I haven’t been able to sleep since.
I don’t know. Any advice? Or just responses? I wanted to vent about this.