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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Euphoric-Exam509 on 2023-10-01 22:05:56.
This happened on Friday. I’m so beyond upset right now and have gone NC for the immediate future with my Mom.
My (36 M) sister Jane (34 F) have no relationship. She’s my sister by blood only. I’ll try to be as unbiased as possible here, but she did some pretty crappy things when our Father died. Things like withholding information about his estate, attempting to sell his home and split the profits with his fiancé against my knowledge, not actually being physically there when he died in hospice, etc. Afterwards, she would continuously gaslight me to the point that I went NC with her back in 2018. My life has been so much better without her in it.
My Mom Brenda (60 F) is not a fan of this. She was divorced from my Father and, even though I loved him so much, I have to admit that he wasn’t the greatest parent in some aspects (we lived with him). My sister and I not having a great relationship is, mostly in part, his fault. Brenda doesn’t like that her two only children have a dead relationship and is constantly trying to fix it.
After being in therapy, I’ve started learning how to erect and enforce boundaries. I don’t like it when my Mom attempts to “fix” our relationship and I call her out on it (gently) each time. For example, a few weeks ago, she mentioned how she wasn’t going to name neither me nor Jane as the executor until we “fix our shit”. I calmly told her I didn’t think that was appropriate to say or do and that I didn’t like how she isn’t taking into account my feelings and why I chose to go NC with Jane.
My wife and I flew in to go visit Brenda this past Friday. My wife and I recently had a son a year ago so we wanted to visit his grandma. We walked in and were met with half the family standing there (including Jane who was sitting) claiming that they were doing an intervention. On my relationship with Jane. I was speechless. I looked at my Wife who was just as flabbergasted as I was. I said I’m not doing an intervention and this is enormously inappropriate. My Mom went into this tirade of how I’m a grown adult and this behavior is childish. I need to make up with my sister so we can put all of this behind us.
We immediately left. My Mom followed us out while asking why I couldn’t do the adult thing and just talk to my sister. Baby was crying. We got into the car and booked a hotel. I booked a new flight for tomorrow and I’m trying my best not to look upset for the baby. My wife says she had nothing to do with this and would never sanction it if she knew. My wife’s phone and mine have been blowing up non stop with the family accusing me of being a “drama queen” and hurting my Mom’s feelings.
The only family member I didn’t go NC with is my Step Dad who sent me a simple apology text.
With all these text messages, I’m starting to doubt myself. My next therapy session isn’t until next Friday and I’m not sure how to feel. AITA for going NC with my Mom?