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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/The-Ringmistress on 2023-09-30 19:14:35.
About a year ago I met Steve (not his real name) on a dating app. I had just broken up with my partner of 10 years and really shouldn’t have been dating yet. I was open about this with Steve, and he understood as he went through a divorce with similar issues. He said “worst case scenario, I have a new friend.”
Since then, Steve and I have hung out regularly and are part of the same gaming group that meets every other week. We often talk about challenges with dating. Read: we’re both open that we’re dating other people and there hasn’t been any weirdness. I got the feeling he still likes me, but I made it clear a couple times that we are just friends, and he seemed super chill about it. Also, there has been zero physicality between us.
I had a vacation planned that I was originally supposed to go on with my ex. I asked a few different girlfriends if they wanted to join me instead, but nothing lined up. I knew Steve would be interested, so I asked if he was cool going as “just friends”. He was totally down and no red flags came up for me.
Well…second night of the vacation Steve’s pacing around the hotel room (separate beds) and in a huff asks “where he stands with me.” I told him I made it clear that I like hanging out with him, but we are just friends. He seemed pretty unhappy.
After that moment, the vacation got so awkward for me. Steve followed me around like a puppy dog. If I asked what he wanted to do the answer was always “whatever you want to do.” If I walked somewhere, he followed. If I said I wanted to do something, he wanted to do that too. I caught him staring at me a lot and it made me extremely uncomfortable.
I caught a cold while on this vacation, and I told Steve I wanted to catch an earlier flight home, but that he could stay and finish out the vacation (it was only half an day early). But of course he wanted to come home early too. I did everything I could to avoid him on the trip home and he did NOT get the hint. I separated our seats on the plane, I sat away from him at the gate, and generally kept my distance. I knew I could have told him to fuck off, but I didn’t want to make things worse or dangerous.
I was so relieved to be home and rid of him. The next day Steve texts me like everything is normal, but I cannot stand to see him ever again, and I’m a little afraid he could turn into a stalker type.
So my question is: what’s the safest way to offload this guy? My friends are saying to just ghost him, but maybe it’s better to definitively cut him off? What would you do?
Sorry for the long post!