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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Ok_Fall302 on 2023-09-30 18:13:45.

I’ve been in a relationship for almost 5 months. Some background, a friend of mine ended up going through a divorce. He had no where to go, went to live with his dad for a while, but then that wasn’t working out. He was about to head across country to live with a guy friend of his. I was his main emotional support during this hard time and so he wanted to visit me first before leaving.

Friend comes from out of state, I let him stay for a couple of days, but feelings developed on both ends. He helped out a lot with chores at my house. BIG chores like yard work. Needles to say, he ended up staying here and that’s how our relationship began. It was very unexpected on my end to even fall for him. He’s not my type, but he really wooed me.

I thought he was perfect for me. Boasted about honesty, faithfulness, hard working, we could talk about anything for hours on end. He said for any relationship to work, people have to communicate. Great! I’m thinking this is amazing. I gave him more support than I’ve ever given any partner. Since he came from out of state and didn’t have work lined up, I was financially supporting him for the first 2 months. I even gave him money to give to his ex wife for their kids. Because, as a partner, their kids are important to me as I hope mine would be to them. Kids shouldn’t have to go without just because mom and dad aren’t together.

Then things started coming up here and there that seriously bothered me. First thing was, a girl on tik tok started commenting all kinds of flirty things on his videos. And he was giving her attention back to keep “viewers” and get his message out. I told him this made me very uncomfortable, but he still didn’t stop. Then the girl messages his ex wife that if she didn’t want him, she’d take him. His ex wife went off and he blocked the girl for her.

Then adds the girl back and starts talking to her to find out who she is because he thinks it’s his ex just stirring up trouble. When I found out, I confronted him, and instead of proving to me nothing was going on, he left my house without a word fir several hours. Then decides to come back and “read” me the messages, just seemed so out of place. I let it go.

He finally gets a real job and still not really giving me any money for at least his part of groceries (he ate a lot). Reasoning of course, he needed to get on his feet and I was okay with that. Rome wasn’t built over night. But I found out not only was he sending money to his kids, which was perfectly fine, he was sending hundreds to his ex for things like hair dye, cigarettes, pads. And she was with the man she cheated on him with! He was perfectly fine with putting another single mom out to support his exs personal needs.

We get into a disagreement about it, but I let it go. Queue to a month into his new job, he gets a horrible nasal infection that he had to have surgery for. I stayed by his side all 3 days and nights. Took off work. Catered to him. He starts crying because his ex, and a woman friend of his didn’t care he was in the ER. It was like a slap in the face, but I let it go. I know he was in physical pain and all looped out.

A week out of the hospital, were having a general conversation and he says he misses his ex. I ask if we should back off a bit so he can heal. He gets angry with me, and immediately starts going to the woman friend. Supposedly for advise. I find out I was never mentioned, he just ran a pity trip on her. He kept doing this any time we got into disagreements, instead of communication with me, which he claimed to be all about.

Queue to current times… I come to sit next to him on the bed and he quickly closes out of something and puts his phone face down. He seemed agitated even though we had been doing great. He’d never done that before so my alarm bells went off. I eventually looked at his phone and was shocked. He downloaded snap chat out of the blue. I finally looked at his phone, and all I see is this girl he used to hook up, rejecting him. Like a paragraph long rejection.

He slay had a message from her in his sms spam, with “why” of course all previous conversation deleted. He claimed he was messaging her to get a guy’s number that he lost, but why the paragraph long rejection? Instead of proving anything, he left state, and still hasn’t been back.

He keeps saying I need to get over this and that I’m being irrational, but this has built up over time because he doesn’t communicate, he just leaves. So much can be deleted in those hours. Him leaving made matters so much worse. He’s been gone since Tuesday.

I told him the longer he’s gone the more I feel like he had something to hide. He said, “so much for distance makes the heart grow fonder”, as if I was supposed to chase him or beg for him to come back.

It wasn’t the fact of him messaging other women, I’m not that jealous. It was the pity trips, the principle of sneaking around. He won’t listen. All he did was yell over me, through me, wouldn’t let me finish a sentence to explain this before he left out. He just left me wondering and hurt.

He’s coming back Monday whether I like it or not and I’m going to have to face him and either tell him to go kick rocks, or try to work this out.

My thing is, I need to know if I’m being irrational about all these instances listed above. If I am, I would gladly bow and give a heart felt apology. If not, then I can cut contact and not have the feeling of “what if?”

Edit: Update: He’s not coming back. He said I can keep the tools. I he finally removed himself from my phone plan today as well. (information I forgot to add). I don’t get my car charger back, but oh well. Worth not dealing with him again.