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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ris3rr1 on 2023-09-30 16:01:44.
(reposting cause post was removed as I didn’t know I had to reply the bot)
My fiancee and I collected the keys to our new house yesterday and without even asking, her mom just texted her that she will be meeting us at our new place and will come along when we open our house for the first time.
Under normal circumstances, I would usually be okay with it, however, due to some history with her mother, I wanted to set boundaries with her mother and thus told my fiancee that I’m not going to allow her to follow us today as I felt this was our moment. I told my fiancee she could tell her mom that we will bring her over the weekends instead. While my fiancee agreed and told her mom that, her mom was insistent on following. My fiancee broke down and cried as she felt caught between the both of us.
The reason why I refused to allow her mother to come along was because she has a tendency of being controlling and overstepping our boundaries. For example, when I met with her to ask for her blessings to propose to my fiancee last year, she outright told me that she expects me to follow all her traditions and told me she hates my religion (I’m Christian) and I’m not allowed to have a church wedding. Even during the actual proposal last year, her mother actually ruined my proposal plan which I’ve shared with her. As my actual plan was ruined, I had to come up with an impromptu proposal at another location which her mother didn’t follow. However, when my fiancee happily showed the ring to her mom, her mom got angry and said “why didn’t you do it in front of me”. That ended up ruining our happy mood and my fiancee became disappointed due to her mom’s reaction.
These are just some examples of how her mother tends to overstep our boundaries and how she likes to make my fiancee and I significant events all about her. It felt this way when she forcefully tried to come along with us on our first day of seeing our house. However, I couldn’t bear seeing my fiancee cry and I felt like the villain of the story for making things difficult for her. Therefore, I decided to compromise and allow her mother to follow.
However, what I feared came true. At our new house, her mother started doing her traditions and rituals to bless the house without consulting me. (my fiancee doesn’t exactly follow her mother’s beliefs). And she even started commenting how we need to follow the fengshui layout and stuff. I respectfully told her that we won’t be following it as we do not practice it.
I regretted letting her mother come along but I didn’t want my fiancee to be caught in between as well. WITA for initially refusing her mother from following or WITA for giving in? I’m at a lost here and would like to hear your views.