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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Throwaway54321547987 on 2023-09-30 10:47:22.

Throwaway. Pre-Disagreement Facts:

  • I (M43) and separated and living apart from my wife “Jen” (F42, fake name)
  • She asked for the divorce, we’re working with a mediator
  • No cheating, mistreatments, etc. She wants a kid, I don’t
  • Iron-clad Prenup, uncontested
  • After Jen moved out and the divorce started, I started dating/hooking up with other women, which she didn’t care about

Jen decided after a number of years she needed to try for a kid and we ended up separating. We’re generally amicable as we go through the process, but something came up and she’s really pissed at me.

A few weeks ago I met a woman (“Mia” early 30’s, fake name) at my local coffee shop and started hooking up with her regularly, because the sex is really, really good. A few days ago I get a call from Jen asking if I’m seeing Mia, which I find odd since she’s not asked about anyone before and I have no idea how she’d know that. Jen included a picture of Mia, so I said yes, and asked how she knew and why she was asking.

Turns out, unbeknownst to me, they work together, in adjacent departments. And they don’t seem to like each other very much. Jen asked me to stop seeing her, to which I refused. Her claim is that Mia is intentionally talking about me to piss her off, embarrass her, etc. and asked if I would do it as a favor. Again, I refused, citing I had no prior knowledge, and while I don’t want to hurt her intentionally and wouldn’t have started seeing Mia if I had known, I’m not ending it now, and she no longer gets a say who I have sex with. Jen called me an AH for putting sex above her, I disagree.

I get that she’s upset, but I don’t feel like I should have to alter my life around her feelings anymore. So, AITA?

Edited for typos, added approximate age for Mia.

Edit for some common questions:

  • Mia is also Child Free, had her tubes tied/removed (verified on her social posts from years ago when she did it)
  • Mia also lives near the coffee shop, she’s a regular too, but at a different time of day (we both are greeted by name by the staff)
  • Mia never brings up Jen to me, never does the “Am I better than your ex?” stuff
  • Jen learned of this from Mia talking to her own work friends, someone saw a pic of me and made the connection, and it got back to Jen, Mia never sought her out (per Jen)
  • Mia refuses to stop talking to her friends about me at work, but it keeps getting back to Jen indirectly, even after Jen asked Mia not to anymore (Per Jen, and this is why she feels she’s now doing it to piss her off)
  • I have not talked to Mia about Jen, but am considering it based on some comments, but very hesitant
  • I actually like Mia the more I get to know her, we have a lot in common besides just great sex

Hope the edit helps!