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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/youcantusemyroom on 2023-09-27 14:40:28.
Throwaway bc I post filth on my main.
I don’t know how to format this but I’m 32, my fiancé Jay is 41 and his friend Matt is about the same age. I know my fiancé has definitely given me spoiled princess treatment and I don’t know if that’s coloring the way I see this or if I’m right.
When Jay bought his house it was a 3bd/3ba but he wanted a fireplace in his bedroom so he converted the den and now it’s 4 bedrooms. But it doesn’t have a closet and the nearest bathroom is the smallest. He used the master bedroom for guests.
I’ve been slowly moving in over the last few months and I brought up needing more space and he gifted me the master bedroom as my personal space. I have plenty of room in the bathroom and closet and I can use the room for my altar and my cats’ stuff. Plus I’m chronically ill and sometimes it’s better to sleep alone. He turned his office into the new guest room which is a much smaller space.
I don’t actually live there yet though and won’t for maybe ~6 months.
His friend Matt lives out of state but took a project in our city and was going to stay here with Jay for 12 weeks. The last time Matt visited, he was in the master bedroom and I guess he under the impression that he would using that room again.
He seemed surprised when he got here but he didn’t say anything right away. It started after a couple days though - “it’s such a small room for an extended stay”, etc. little comments but it’s been about 2 weeks and yesterday, I was over putting my summer stuff away in the closet and he came in to ask if I’d be okay with him moving to that room because he felt cramped in the other and I declined. I already have stuff in there that I do not want anyone touching and I would be uncomfortable with him in there.
He got upset and called me selfish and a “pampered little princess” and that he thought it was so weird that I was being “like this” when I don’t even live here. I said it didn’t matter, it’s still my room and it’ll be my house too soon enough so who cares about technicalities. We argued and it escalated and it ended with me telling him to gtfo if he couldn’t respect me. I think he thought Jay wouldn’t let me do that but he took my side and asked Matt to find an Airbnb for the rest of his stay. I ended up going home for the night but I know Jay and Matt stayed up arguing about it for most of the night and their friendship is done.
I was telling my sister about it this morning and I was surprised when she wasn’t on my side. She said she couldn’t understand why I’d tank my fiancé’s friendship when I could just let him use the room since I’m not even moved in yet. She accused me of taking advantage of my fiancé and being selfish.
And she’s right, Jay will take my side even when I know I’m wrong so him agreeing with me isn’t a good litmus test. But I don’t think I’m wrong, it’s my room and I didn’t want him in there. It’s not like he had to sleep on the couch, it was just a small room. AITA?