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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ShoeStunning8463 on 2023-09-27 11:57:54.
My ex cheated on me for most of our relationship. I found out during my pregnancy with our daughter and he had the other girl pregnant too. My daughter was a June baby and theirs was an October baby. They also got married that following February. To say things between us have been tense is an understatement. Ex’s wife didn’t know immediately that he was with me, or that we had been together since we were 15. She hated me for overshadowing her own pregnancy with mine. She hated me even worse when she needed an emergency c-section and had so many complications that a hysterectomy had to be carried out. The tension between us all then was at it’s worst. Ex’s wife wanted me to give up my daughter for them to raise both girls together as “real sisters” and when I refused we had all the drama. I don’t even think she would have been able to love my daughter had I done that. But I think she wanted more than one badly enough that she thought my daughter would do since she was already born.
Ex and I now communicate through an app mostly. We share custody of our daughter (14) and exchanges happen at school pick up time to minimize the contact between us. This has worked for many years, though I know not ideal for my daughter overall.
My daughter and her half sister have a very high conflict relationship. It’s over me and ex’s wife. Ex’s daughter has picked up her mom’s attitude toward me and dislikes me and believes I keep her sister from “her real family” and my daughter doesn’t like ex’s wife which annoys her half sister. This has been communicated to me a number of times by my daughter and also by my ex, who will send random texts about it. I never respond because our mandated communication is done through the app.
Ex and his wife had some financial problems over the last six month. For my daughter’s birthday she got a card and a gift card and my ex told her in advance he wouldn’t be able to get her much. I was able to get her a present as normal though. I splurged a little this year and got my daughter a gaming laptop. She was so happy. Ex became aware of this when my daughter spent a bit of time with her grandparents and she asked them if she could bring the laptop to their house. Ex asked her about it and she told him I bought it as her birthday gift.
Now ex’s daughter’s birthday is a couple of weeks away and he wants me to buy her a gift, something I have never done before. He said the money situation is still tight and he doesn’t want her to get nothing. I told him I would not be buying her a gift and he blew up the app and my phone saying I should be doing this so his daughter isn’t left with a lackluster birthday. Ex said I had never done anything to help the dynamic with the girls and never cared about the pain he and his wife were in and this was one thing I could do.
AITA?