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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Bride2b2b2b2b2b2b21 on 2023-09-27 04:11:00.
I (33f) am getting married next month. My fiancé (36m) James is from Ghana. We have been together five years and has met my entire family. Our parents have met and got on well. My family are sorta generic white Americans (this is important). As far as I know, everyone liked everyone just fine.
Last year my older sibling Robyn (40) came out as trans (MtF). In the aftermath, her marriage of 16 years to Sarah ended. Sarah and Robyn had been together since they were teenagers, so I have known Sarah since I was in elementary school. After the divorce, Sarah and I have remained friends. We chat occasionally and I help her when I can with my niece and nephew.
My niece and nephew will be the flower girl and ring bearer in my wedding. I have, of course, also invited Sarah.
Robyn learned about this last week and is furious. She says that she doesn’t feel comfortable coming to the wedding if Sarah is going to be there and feels betrayed by me. I told her I am sorry she feels that way, but I have known Sarah my hold life and the only thing “Sarah” has done wrong is saying she no longer wants to be married to Robyn if Robyn identifies as a woman and is going to pursue medical transition. Sarah has worked hard to keep the divorce amiable. That I know.
Today, my mother called me and said she had spoken to Robyn. Mom says Robyn told her that I was siding with her “transphobic ex wife.” I understand this might be how Robyn interprets events. But this is the part I don’t get: Robyn told my mom that James had been transphobic to her. I can’t imagine when or how since they had never been alone over the past year and James hasn’t said much at all to her ever. I told my mom this and my mom said she was unsure because, “James is from Africa after all.”
I, of course, defended James. I also called Robyn and said I didn’t want her after my wedding.
Robyn cried. She eventually called my mom and said she had lied about James because she was made at me. My mom says I should give Robyn a chance to apologize. I am standing firm. I don’t want here at my wedding.
So AITA for not giving Robyn a chance to apologize and come to the wedding.