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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/lovelyketchup on 2023-09-27 04:08:16.
Thanks in advance for any tips or advice :)
So I (21F) went on a first date with a guy (22M) last night. The thing is, I didn’t initially know for sure that it was a date. I met him just under 2 weeks ago hanging out with mutual friends, and after talking to him for a bit I thought he was cool since I found out we have some similar interests. Yesterday he asked me to hang out and I was free so we set a time and place to meet up that evening.
We went to this nice park and walked around, took photos (pretty flowers), and eventually sat down and started chatting. It began really cute and wholesome and we were just getting to know each other.
In the conversation we landed on the topic of our “types” and he basically described someone with my body type. That’s when he put his hand on my butt and I knew that he was into me as more than just a friend.
I didn’t really mind it at first and was still kind of into him and just glad he was also interested in me. We talked a bit more I held his hand and we kissed but then it kind of went downhill from there.
There was just a lot of touching and kissing, all stuff I have never really done before (I feel like a teenager having to hide a hickey from my parents for the first time).
And while I liked some of what was going on, I still thought it was all happening super fast for a first date. Plus, he described wanting to do a lot of things that I wouldn’t have been comfortable with, especially in a public place…
I think that the fact that it moved so quickly in combination with the fact that I’ve never experienced this made it difficult for me to say no in the moment. If he put his hands somewhere I *really* didn’t want them I would say no and push them away, but eventually he would put them back until I said no again.
I feel like 21 is kind of late to start dating and for a lot of my life I’ve felt left out when it comes to being in relationships and going on dates. So a part of me feels like I didn’t want to say no as much because of the fear that this may be the only time I’ll experience this and I may not find another guy who would appreciate or like my body the way that this guy did.
Thankfully I didn’t feel violated or anything, but I do wish I had spoken up a bit more and made some clear boundaries. And in hindsight, I kind of regret letting him take photos of me because who knows what he’s doing with them now. To some extent it kind of seems like he mostly wanted me for my body (which feels terrible to say).
Anyway, all of this is to ask, what should I have done differently? I didn’t originally know if it was a date, and if I had, maybe I would have made clear boundaries beforehand. But because things moved so quickly I found that I didn’t always know how to react. I guess I want to know how to make it clear what I do and do not want to do.
TLDR: Went on a first date, the guy got touchy. I hadn’t set any boundaries and didn’t know when/how to say no. How do I set clear boundaries?