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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Cakertom23 on 2023-09-26 23:21:05.
My best friend, Lisa, divorced almost ten years ago due to her husband’s cheating. According to his mistress, he told her they were separated, just not divorced (This is relevant). She was already fragile due to years of trying to conceive and not being able to. They tried everything and were about to do IVF when they split. It was a bad time for her, she tried to salvage her marriage but it was painfull for both parties. I and a mutual friend, Mary, were right by her side and supported her. Lisa cut a lot of friends of in the process, some because they were her ex friends also, some for other issues.
Shortly after she met a vey nice guy, Dan, and they dated for a few years. He is an independent professional and travels for months at a time so they kept things light between them. When things got serious he opened up and said he was married, separated from his wife just not divorced. She was livid and ended things. I frankly believed him. Lisa found out later she was pregnant. She was so afraid to loose the child she only opened up to me when she was 17 weeks along and told her family much later than that.
She didn’t want to tell Dan about the child. I was surprised, tried to understand why and was concerned that she was keeping this a secret just for fear of being rejected. then covid came along and we were all concerned about other things. Here’s the thing, Dan kept contact with me via social media and often asks about her. It’s been a couple of years, he’s divorced and wants to know how she is doing. I know he loved Lisa very much. And apparently he still does. Also, doesn’t the child deserve to have a father?
Myself and Mary are the only ones who know about this. This friend says it’s a total ah move to tell Dan about this, it should be her choice. I don’t agree and think she is keeping a child away from his father. I do believe if her divorce hadn’t been so messy and the ex such a sob, she would be more receptive to D., at least to him being in the child life.
Mary is totally against speaking with Dan., said i should mind my own business and at the most should run this idea by Lisa. She also pointed they live in different countries so custody would be a mess. Mary also warn me i would be losing a friend if i did that.
So WIBTA if i told Dan about the child? Should i just keep quiet about this?
Edit: changed letters to names