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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/This_Daydreamer_ on 2023-09-26 21:28:57.
How many posts have we seen that were written by women in a relationship with a man who clearly doesn’t care about her? It’s constant, right? Why don’t they know that they should just leave?!
Yeah. It isn’t that simple.
For one thing, no-one sets out to move in with and share a bed with a complete asshole. He didn’t start out demonstrating that he couldn’t care less about her well-being.
Next, she fell in love with the person she thought he was. Abusers are really good at playing nice when they want to.
And then, there’s the emotional abuse. He gaslighted her into doubting everything she believed was real. He berated her for mistakes she didn’t make. He badgered her into focusing all of her energy on him.
He convinced her that he only got mad because she did something wrong.
When you care about someone you try to make them happy. You do things they like and you stop doing things they don’t like.
And he plays with that basic goodness constantly. Slowly, tiny step by tiny step, he convinces her to stop spending time with family and friends. He explains how much easier it would be to share a bank account. He shows her how much can be saved by sharing a car.
Brick by brick, he builds a cell of isolation and self doubt around her.
By the time he becomes physically violent, she’s trapped and doesn’t see any way to escape.
She doesn’t leave because she’s in his custody before she realizes what’s happening.
Don’t tell her to leave. Tell her how.
Edited because my tablet went rogue