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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ecstatic_narwhals on 2023-09-26 11:21:49.
I’m getting married next year, in an outdoorsy nature reserve in some woods with a barn. Because it’s in a nature reserve, the venue let us know that we couldn’t have dogs at our wedding, unless it was very specifically OUR dog who they met before to check they would be well-behaved, would stay on the lead the whole time, etc. Our dog is a rescue and actually still a little nervy around new people so we decided it was best if she stayed home with a sitter and we just had a dog-free wedding.
We sent out save the dates last week and a couple days ago I got a message from my cousin asking if we’d forgotten to put his dog’s name on the invite. The thing is, his dog is not at ALL trained. He jumps up at people, barks and whines constantly if he’s not getting attention, has extreme separation anxiety (to the point where they can’t even both go to the bathroom at the same time or he will destroy furniture), has been known to nip when he gets excited and is generally just not well-behaved. This is completely my cousin’s fault for getting a high-energy breed and then not doing any training with him, but my point is that if I were to invite ANY dog, this is the last one I’d choose because his behaviour is not suited to a group event where it will be loud and stressful for the dog. I replied and explained we couldn’t have dogs, unfortunately. At this point he kicked off and asked if I was expecting him to pay for a new suit, travel, hotel etc AND now a weekend at a kennels, and if his dog wasn’t invited he wasn’t going to come, because his dog’s separation anxiety means he cannot be left with anyone else. I was pretty pissed off but replied and said I totally understand that travelling here would be an expense for him and if the extra money needed for a sitter/kennels meant he couldn’t come, I was sad he won’t make it but understand and would be great to catch up some other time. He never replied and I left it.
I really didn’t think I’d done anything wrong tbh but now I’m being hassled by multiple members of my family who are telling me I’m being a stubborn asshole for not making an exception for this one dog. My mom’s argument is that if we’re not taking our dog, my cousin’s dog can be there instead, and that I’m causing a huge family row because we’re being “bridezilla-y”. Sometimes I can be a bit clueless and will definitely apologise if I am in the wrong. So, reddit, am I the asshole?
TLDR: My cousin wants to bring his untrained, destructive dog to my wedding. I said no and now my whole family are acting like I’ve started world war 3. I can be a bit dumb sometimes with things like this - AITA?